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Alone on Valentine's Day?

2020, February 14

Alone on Valentine's Day?

February 14th: Valentine's Day. A holiday that, in many places, is an important religious holiday, celebrating Saint Valentinus, who performed illegal weddings for soldiers of Rome (who could not marry) and ministered to Roman Christians, who at the time were persecuted. (He is also the patron saint of epilepsy... who would have thought?) But for most of us in the western world, it's more of a celebration for couples. The date of the holiday goes back all the way to 496 AD; though set by Pope Gelasius I, Supreme Pontiff of the Catholic Church, for February 14th, the date of Valentinus' death in 269 AD, it wasn't until the 14th Century that Chaucer (yes, the Chaucer) associated the date with courtship. Afterward, in the 18th century, the holiday expanded to be celebrated by English couples, who would give each other sweets, flowers, various gifts, and cards called Valentines, named for the final note left by Valentinus, which he signed "your Valentine."

Today, though, Valentine's Day can seem like an annoying "Hallmark holiday" meant to sell you junk you don't need -- mass-produced cards, chocolates, and anything from low-quality to extremely expensive gifts made by companies ready to take advantage of your seasonal loneliness -- and make you feel guilty, ashamed, and inadequate due to being alone in February. The magazines, anything from Esquire to Cosmopolitan, as well as more (usually) serious publications like Slate, and even major media corporations that should be focusing on (non-fake) news will tell you (or at the very least strongly and insidiously imply) that, if you are partnered, you will soon be single and desperately lonely like the other, lesser humans, unless you buy your significant other the right things, go to the right tourist destinations or restaurants, and so on. The industries taking advantage of this holiday range all the way from manufacturing to food to hospitality/accommodations to publication, and it is just one huge racket. Here even we are, writing about it, to hopefully draw your interest and improve our traffic! (At the very least, I hope this writing is useful to someone, though!)

But none of that truly helps your feelings of bitter dejected solitude from being unpaired and unwanted, while others play at seeming happy and superior to you because they're more attractive and successful and can therefore attract an equally attractive and successful partner, does it? Being right, while often satisfying, is often also little more than a cold comfort, for we are social creatures, and require companionship to thrive. There is no shame in it; you must acknowledge your feelings in order to deal with them.

This extends as much to many of our chatters and forum-goers here at Just because you're a super cool Internet personality doesn't make you immune to being single, whether through no fault of your own, or poor circumstances, or just the fact that you won't stop trolling and log off to take a shower. Therefore, here I am to tell you what you should do:

Indulge Yourself

The magazines, those great pillars of mass-culture, who would guilt you over every little aspect of your life that they think you could be doing "better", may tell you to bury your feelings so that you're not tempted to eat. We wouldn't want to gain any weight and become even more repulsive to others than we already are, would we? On the other hand: A waist is a terrible thing to mind. If eating makes you feel better, go for it. There are lots of confections floating around over this holiday, and many considerate people share them with others, even with no expectation of reciprocation or any romantic interest. Take it and run with it!

Maybe some other kinds of pampering are more your taste, though? All those vacations and spas and resorts and activities that are marketed to couples this time of year can be just as valid for you to enjoy alone.

Improve Yourself

Or don't! Maybe other pursuits make you feel better than raw indulgence. Go for a walk. A run. A long bike ride in the mountains. Work on your art. Get some cleaning done. Making the best of your time can sometimes make you feel better about yourself than any hedonistic endeavors ever could.

Chin Up

Sometimes, the worst thing is being pitied. Depending on just how down you might feel over being alone on Valentine's Day, without realizing it, you can find yourself feeling anywhere from annoyed to worthless based on how other people treat you. Dragging your feet, keeping your head down, mumbling -- all these low-confidence, self-conscious behaviors can invite the pity of others, which can just make you feel worse. Don't let strangers see you hurting. Sometimes, they can be like sharks that smell blood in the water.

Go With Friends

Unlike the strangers mentioned above, though, you can feel free to share your feelings with friends, as well as do things together and get over the lonely holiday blues. If they're good friends, they won't make you feel worse about yourself with their pity. They will support you and build you up, and you can do the same for them. Single friends, in particular, can be great to have, not only because they won't be too busy for you this Valentine's Day, but because, by showing each other that you can all still have a good time, even single, you can all improve your self-worth together.

Don't Take Anyone's Advice

This includes my advice, honestly. If these suggestions don't sound good to you, ignore them! Do what makes YOU feel better. Or don't -- wallow in your misery if you want to! It's your mind, body, and/or soul, if you're into that sort of thing, to do with as you will. Maybe you secretly enjoy your misery. Maybe you know what works for you and none of this is it. But by all means, try something!

But if you can't find anything else to do, you're always welcome to join us in our many rooms at, where there are bound to be other singles to help you pass the time, or even form more meaningful connections with.

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