CurvyMutant

So, I've got this thing called Multiple Endocrine Neoplasia Type 1 (MEN1), and it makes weird tumors pop up in my glands that make hormones, like my pituitary gland. That gland, at the base of my brain, controls a bunch of stuff in my body by releasing hormones that deal with growth, reproduction, and metabolism. These tumors usually aren't too scary, but they gave me Hyperprolactinemia... which means my prolactin hormone levels totally overproduce, and that's the hormone that makes breast milk. That made me get Galactorrhea, which means I lactate even though I've never been pregnant. I first had drops come out very early in puberty.

Because of the Hyperprolactinemia, I ended up developing another condition called Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) as a side effect. Basically, the crazy high prolactin levels mess with LH and FSH, which are the hormones that handle reproduction stuff... It messes with my periods, gives me cysts on my ovaries, and jacks up the levels of androgens and estrogens in my body. This whole mess often leads to anovulation, where my ovaries decide to take a break from the egg-release thing and start pumping out even more androgens, causing hyperandrogenism (extreme overproduction of neutral hormones) and my estrogen levels can go nuts too in response, causing hyperestrogenism (same thing but female hormones). And as if that's not enough, PCOS also brings along mood swings, depression, and heightened anxiety. Also, that hyperestrogenism is why my body is so curvy and why I thought the word "mutant" was funny to call myself, because the stupidly high hormone levels pretty much make all my fat distribution go to just my hips, thighs, butt and breasts. I guess that is the only good part of all this. xD

Dealing with stuff like PCOS, which makes my hormones go crazy, really messes with how my brain works. It's not just the emotional instability, depression and anxiety. When I get overloaded mentally I break and it's like trying to think through a fog and even simple tasks become super hard, it like regresses me to barely be able to think at all. Sometimes I feel so dumb that I struggle to open doors, and I talk weird. I've been told that during those moments I pretty much talk like a toddler or sometimes just totally space out like a robot or something. It's like my brain switches almost off but barely keeps me conscious. It's like I'm in a trance, and I can't like think for myself anymore. It happens especially when things get really stressful, or when I get too horny in an emotional way or very emotional in general. Doesn't matter if I'm super happy or crying or screaming in anger, it all fries my head.

I've started calling those moments where I go dumb "flashes" because they leave a big memory hole behind them, like when I think back I just recall short flashes and otherwise it's all gone from my head. <.< So if you chat with me about this and I mention "having flashes" you know what I mean.

All this, I guess obviously, got me bullied in school. I turned really curvy instantly when puberty started, which it did earlier than normal too. I instantly looked different than anyone else. Then the lactation started, and it was over from there. I've pretty much had anything you can imagine done to me. But this is the point where I stress this is not a sob-story I guess. What happened, and why I share this here, is that I got so traumatized I left school and just sat home in my room locked up with my nerdy hobbies for a long time. But I was still a teen, horny and an emotional mess. I'd read hentai porn just cause I liked manga, and saw weird stuff that reminded me of my trauma and bullying... degrading stuff, being prejudiced as dumb or exploited. And things exactly like what happened to me like being called or treated like a cow or abused in other ways. I think my brain just wanted to have like a coping technique for the trauma, to no get totally crippled by it... but what happened is that I got addicted to fantasies like this. Everything that made me feel bad turned me on in ways I never knew anything could. Even my flashes started making me feel turned on just by the fear of them happening to me, because I feel like totally helpless against them like nothing else and actually being dumb enough to deserve the bullying just got me way too hot inside. I hate that I turned out like this, but I can't help it... I can't enjoy any other kind of fantasies anymore pretty much.

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Final thing to explain just cause I got asked and realize it's complicated enough I should just have a paragraph about it here... I probably will lactate so long as my body is "fertile" due to the disorder... I can manage it, decrease it somewhat with discipline. But it doesn't go away entirely. It's super annoying!
It's because my let down reflex triggers for my lactation are misaligned. Basically, a let down reflex is when my nipples open up a bit and it's easier to get the milk out, and sometimes they leak. Also having let down reflexes is why lactation keeps going, instead of stopping. The more they happen the more the breasts produce. In a normal woman usually they are triggered by like the sound of their baby screaming or something like that. Something that happens right before the nipples get stimulated. So when the baby grows up and stops screaming the same way nothing triggers the reflex anymore and the lactations stops. But I have no baby, so my nipples only got stimulated when I was horny and touched myself... so I get let down reflexes whenever I get very horny... which doesn't really "stop". I couldn't really help it this all made my nipples insanely sensitive, they pretty much stimulate me as much as my clit. <_<

It's very bad, cause that means I keep having let down reflexes over and over. Just getting a little horny is not so bad, but if I stimulate my nipples while it is happening or I orgasm it happens strongly every time. I have to be super careful when I empty my breasts to not trigger them too often or it just snowballs and I produce more and more, it sucks. I have a special bra from my doctors that is extra smooth on the inside so it doesn't rub against my nipples by accident, and a special pump I can use to empty them without stimulating them. Without those I'd be doomed, cause every time I mess up and have a reflex or even worse multiple reflexes in the same few days my production just increases and it gets worse... which already happened too many times.