How we first met, and where we first met, makes a great deal of sense. Two souls, with sexual tastes well outside the mainstream, and made to feel isolated and lonely by those same unusual desires. Two souls stumbling around the internet’s back alleys, looking for someone to give us our fix — maybe even just someone who understands.
That’s how we met — in one of those dirty internet chat rooms. A bustling place of depravity and desperation, where sixty-year-old men would proudly flaunt their gaping asshole to the rest of us lurking in chat, clicking on each new picture as it uploaded in search of something that appeals.
On busy nights, there would be a constant scroll of different stories: Some guy in Tennessee wants a real life meet and a blowjob, another guy is looking for other Indians to play with, and this latest dude? Well he just posted “fuck my stinky hole”.
Dame2651464: 22 us for dads or grandpas
UKchat: CDs sissy or fem??
UrWhiteSissy: Anyone wanna trade wife pics
Muscle29: Closeted gay
Nudistfun: dirty secrets
And on it goes. A constant scroll of kinksters seeking satisfaction, of desperation, and of inexplicably short sentences. Does the user nudistfun’s two-word post “dirty secrets” entice you? Yeah, me neither.
That’s the thing with places like this. In a way, you’re seeing humanity (and especially, masculinity) at its rawest — and in many cases — most imperfect. Many of the guys wandering through places like this have no interest in you as a person. They don’t want to get to know you, and they won’t put any effort into a conversation. Share a pic of yourself in the main chatroom and prepare to be bombarded by dozens of messages that say nothing more than “Sexy” / “Hot” / or my absolute favourite “Nice”.
Nice is such a dead word. It really means nothing. What is it to say something is “nice”? Nothing at all, really. It’s the lowest common denominator of approval. They may as well message me privately and just say “good”, like I’m a dog in training. It’s a token of appreciation, certainly, but the ease with which it’s given away, and the lack of effort it takes to shoot those four letters over….well, that sours things I have to admit. If all a guy can say about me — if all he can muster — is that I’m “nice” then I don’t feel particularly motivated to indulge him in further conversation.
So, there I am in this chat room, showing off with the odd pic to the assembled masses as usual, and struggling as I always do with the incoming messages. One guy talks in single words; he says he wants to chat, but I have to put all the effort in: My pictures are “nice”, and when I extend the depiction of them to some kind of pseudo-roleplay, the response is “hot” or even worse just a string of the letter M; “mmmmmmm”.
Another guy, like so many, treats me as if I’m some kind of vending machine — not requesting pictures so much as demanding them, with all the nuance in the world as they type out the body parts they want to see. “Ass and cock” is all I get from them. Others open with “show ass”. Truly melts the heart, and gets the juices flowing.
In other circles, within this same community, these boys are referred to as “despos” — desperate individuals who don’t bring anything to a chat and aren’t interested in doing so. Super-entitled men who expect a great deal but offer so very little in return. You simply can’t have a real conversation with these people. Allow me to demonstrate: I just dropped a picture into chat, and this is a real example of the correspondence I typically get.
Hornydom26: Mmm
Me: Why would you send a PM that just has you typing the letter M three times
Me: What is that supposed to do for me?
Hornydom26: So sexy damn
Great interaction, huh! Let’s try another private message to broaden the sample:
UKbihere: Hello sissy
Me: Bold of you assume
UKbihere: yes
UKbihere: u got snap
Me: No, I mean, bold of you assume I’m a sissy, just because I dress effeminate.
UKbihere: So r u or not
Me: Not every Femboy is submissive.
Me: What vibe are you getting? Do you think I’d say this if I wasn’t a Sissy?
UKbihere: So r u a sissy
Me: What do you think?
UKbihere: yes
Me: Why do you assume that?
Me: My first reaction was to tell you not all femboys are sissies — you think perhaps I pointed that out for a reason?
UKbihere: because i love sissy guys
Me: Ah, so it’s all about you projecting your kinks on to me, regardless of indications otherwise?
UKbihere: ok bye bye
UKbihere has quit
These boys are inscrutable. You either let them be, doing their thing, or watch them scuttle away as you call them on their behaviour. There is no hope in trying to have a real conversation, let alone educate them to how problematic it is for them to open conversation assuming things about people. I’ve tried, countless times, having conversations like these — but these boys aren’t interested in anything other than having their own needs met and here, in this place, they are the norm. The place is populated with people like this.
Another common trope one sees this community personifying is that of the “mean dom”. I can’t accurately put into words just how many guys on here think that “domination” within the context of BDSM means being a rude prick. I’ve had countless messages that, without checking first, open by abusing me as a faggot and other demeaning terms. In a more aware place, people would check in first to make sure this kind of talk is okay. Here? You get it slapped on you regardless. People in these places don’t show the kind of awareness and emotional intelligence you’d expect to find in other places, a disagreement server, a Facebook community, and so on.
Freed from the shackles of consequence by their anonymity, these men display — I suspect — a part of their true selves. The vast majority aren’t even interested in stringing a full sentence together. You are not worth that effort, being the implication. You are just a hole to dump their cum in to, being the implication.
Many, of course, love this dynamic. In a somewhat economic display of supply and demand, most femboys in this place are of the submissive kind; self-described “Sissies” who have no expectation of being anything other than a fucktoy and a cumdump. Being apart from that mindset, I realize all too well that I’m an outlier; that if I demand anything more than a “nice” from some of these boys, that if I act like anything more than an empty-headed bimbo slut, they will immediately lose interest. I don’t come here for people like this, but guys typing on their phone with one hand as they jerk their cock with the other are the majority.
I say all of this so that you have some idea, some inclination, of why I immediately fell for Ivana. Here she was, like me, looking for someone who cared enough to bother typing those extra seventy characters that made their message into a full sentence. Here was someone lurking in these chat rooms with a desire for more than just conversation about what was “nice” and “hot”. As stupid as it sounds, she immediately piqued my interest when she messaged me by typing in full sentences. You have to understand how unusual this is for such a place. When she put an apostrophe between the R and E in “you’re” I was already intrigued. But then, she kept adding to it — exceeding the exceedingly low bar I’d set for her by leaps and bounds. She had more interesting questions to ask me straight away than the usual “how are you” and “what are you into”. She had the same esoteric kinks that I did. The person she was, her personality and humanity, emerged from every word in a way like few did in this place.
And she had pictures she would send; one of a smooth, freshly shaven femboy; throbbing cock jutting out from the black, form-fitting yoga pants she was wearing. I would stare at those pictures and feel a kind of pain — a longing that I knew would likely never be requited. And yet, I wanted more, and I couldn’t look away. Even better, I sensed that when I sent her my own pics, she felt the same way. Together, we created a wondrous feedback loop of lust, support, and admiration. It was intoxicating. She was intoxicating.
We chatted for hours, growing more comfortable in each other’s presence, and in the doing so, discovered that our kinks were aligned in a way that few people’s are. She liked feet in the same way I did, and she liked other things of an even more depraved nature. From early in our chat, I had expressed how my favourite fetish was footplay and rather than balking, she had leapt upon it. Now, in our own little safe haven, we explored that kink and others with unashamed eagerness. As the inner parts of who I am unfolded before her, as I confessed just how much these things turned me on, I felt a kind of inner liberation. A validation that, despite being fairly unusual, I was not alone.
But it went beyond feet. As much as that one kink excited me, I had other itches, and she seemed to go down the entire list of them, ticking every box. She wanted us to flip-fuck — alternating between who gets to be the top, and who gets to be the bottom (and my god, did she have a glorious cock that wanted me to indulge such things). She wanted to indulge in “watersports”, and better still, was like me — someone who will try anything twice, someone who is eager to please their partner even if it means uncharted territory. I couldn’t help but imagine what I’d do if I had her tied up, to use as my own fucktoy.
That’s how we met — in one of those dirty internet chat rooms. A bustling place of depravity and desperation, where sixty-year-old men would proudly flaunt their gaping asshole to the rest of us lurking in chat, clicking on each new picture as it uploaded in search of something that appeals.
On busy nights, there would be a constant scroll of different stories: Some guy in Tennessee wants a real life meet and a blowjob, another guy is looking for other Indians to play with, and this latest dude? Well he just posted “fuck my stinky hole”.
Dame2651464: 22 us for dads or grandpas
UKchat: CDs sissy or fem??
UrWhiteSissy: Anyone wanna trade wife pics
Muscle29: Closeted gay
Nudistfun: dirty secrets
And on it goes. A constant scroll of kinksters seeking satisfaction, of desperation, and of inexplicably short sentences. Does the user nudistfun’s two-word post “dirty secrets” entice you? Yeah, me neither.
That’s the thing with places like this. In a way, you’re seeing humanity (and especially, masculinity) at its rawest — and in many cases — most imperfect. Many of the guys wandering through places like this have no interest in you as a person. They don’t want to get to know you, and they won’t put any effort into a conversation. Share a pic of yourself in the main chatroom and prepare to be bombarded by dozens of messages that say nothing more than “Sexy” / “Hot” / or my absolute favourite “Nice”.
Nice is such a dead word. It really means nothing. What is it to say something is “nice”? Nothing at all, really. It’s the lowest common denominator of approval. They may as well message me privately and just say “good”, like I’m a dog in training. It’s a token of appreciation, certainly, but the ease with which it’s given away, and the lack of effort it takes to shoot those four letters over….well, that sours things I have to admit. If all a guy can say about me — if all he can muster — is that I’m “nice” then I don’t feel particularly motivated to indulge him in further conversation.
So, there I am in this chat room, showing off with the odd pic to the assembled masses as usual, and struggling as I always do with the incoming messages. One guy talks in single words; he says he wants to chat, but I have to put all the effort in: My pictures are “nice”, and when I extend the depiction of them to some kind of pseudo-roleplay, the response is “hot” or even worse just a string of the letter M; “mmmmmmm”.
Another guy, like so many, treats me as if I’m some kind of vending machine — not requesting pictures so much as demanding them, with all the nuance in the world as they type out the body parts they want to see. “Ass and cock” is all I get from them. Others open with “show ass”. Truly melts the heart, and gets the juices flowing.
In other circles, within this same community, these boys are referred to as “despos” — desperate individuals who don’t bring anything to a chat and aren’t interested in doing so. Super-entitled men who expect a great deal but offer so very little in return. You simply can’t have a real conversation with these people. Allow me to demonstrate: I just dropped a picture into chat, and this is a real example of the correspondence I typically get.
Hornydom26: Mmm
Me: Why would you send a PM that just has you typing the letter M three times
Me: What is that supposed to do for me?
Hornydom26: So sexy damn
Great interaction, huh! Let’s try another private message to broaden the sample:
UKbihere: Hello sissy
Me: Bold of you assume
UKbihere: yes
UKbihere: u got snap
Me: No, I mean, bold of you assume I’m a sissy, just because I dress effeminate.
UKbihere: So r u or not
Me: Not every Femboy is submissive.
Me: What vibe are you getting? Do you think I’d say this if I wasn’t a Sissy?
UKbihere: So r u a sissy
Me: What do you think?
UKbihere: yes
Me: Why do you assume that?
Me: My first reaction was to tell you not all femboys are sissies — you think perhaps I pointed that out for a reason?
UKbihere: because i love sissy guys
Me: Ah, so it’s all about you projecting your kinks on to me, regardless of indications otherwise?
UKbihere: ok bye bye
UKbihere has quit
These boys are inscrutable. You either let them be, doing their thing, or watch them scuttle away as you call them on their behaviour. There is no hope in trying to have a real conversation, let alone educate them to how problematic it is for them to open conversation assuming things about people. I’ve tried, countless times, having conversations like these — but these boys aren’t interested in anything other than having their own needs met and here, in this place, they are the norm. The place is populated with people like this.
Another common trope one sees this community personifying is that of the “mean dom”. I can’t accurately put into words just how many guys on here think that “domination” within the context of BDSM means being a rude prick. I’ve had countless messages that, without checking first, open by abusing me as a faggot and other demeaning terms. In a more aware place, people would check in first to make sure this kind of talk is okay. Here? You get it slapped on you regardless. People in these places don’t show the kind of awareness and emotional intelligence you’d expect to find in other places, a disagreement server, a Facebook community, and so on.
Freed from the shackles of consequence by their anonymity, these men display — I suspect — a part of their true selves. The vast majority aren’t even interested in stringing a full sentence together. You are not worth that effort, being the implication. You are just a hole to dump their cum in to, being the implication.
Many, of course, love this dynamic. In a somewhat economic display of supply and demand, most femboys in this place are of the submissive kind; self-described “Sissies” who have no expectation of being anything other than a fucktoy and a cumdump. Being apart from that mindset, I realize all too well that I’m an outlier; that if I demand anything more than a “nice” from some of these boys, that if I act like anything more than an empty-headed bimbo slut, they will immediately lose interest. I don’t come here for people like this, but guys typing on their phone with one hand as they jerk their cock with the other are the majority.
I say all of this so that you have some idea, some inclination, of why I immediately fell for Ivana. Here she was, like me, looking for someone who cared enough to bother typing those extra seventy characters that made their message into a full sentence. Here was someone lurking in these chat rooms with a desire for more than just conversation about what was “nice” and “hot”. As stupid as it sounds, she immediately piqued my interest when she messaged me by typing in full sentences. You have to understand how unusual this is for such a place. When she put an apostrophe between the R and E in “you’re” I was already intrigued. But then, she kept adding to it — exceeding the exceedingly low bar I’d set for her by leaps and bounds. She had more interesting questions to ask me straight away than the usual “how are you” and “what are you into”. She had the same esoteric kinks that I did. The person she was, her personality and humanity, emerged from every word in a way like few did in this place.
And she had pictures she would send; one of a smooth, freshly shaven femboy; throbbing cock jutting out from the black, form-fitting yoga pants she was wearing. I would stare at those pictures and feel a kind of pain — a longing that I knew would likely never be requited. And yet, I wanted more, and I couldn’t look away. Even better, I sensed that when I sent her my own pics, she felt the same way. Together, we created a wondrous feedback loop of lust, support, and admiration. It was intoxicating. She was intoxicating.
We chatted for hours, growing more comfortable in each other’s presence, and in the doing so, discovered that our kinks were aligned in a way that few people’s are. She liked feet in the same way I did, and she liked other things of an even more depraved nature. From early in our chat, I had expressed how my favourite fetish was footplay and rather than balking, she had leapt upon it. Now, in our own little safe haven, we explored that kink and others with unashamed eagerness. As the inner parts of who I am unfolded before her, as I confessed just how much these things turned me on, I felt a kind of inner liberation. A validation that, despite being fairly unusual, I was not alone.
But it went beyond feet. As much as that one kink excited me, I had other itches, and she seemed to go down the entire list of them, ticking every box. She wanted us to flip-fuck — alternating between who gets to be the top, and who gets to be the bottom (and my god, did she have a glorious cock that wanted me to indulge such things). She wanted to indulge in “watersports”, and better still, was like me — someone who will try anything twice, someone who is eager to please their partner even if it means uncharted territory. I couldn’t help but imagine what I’d do if I had her tied up, to use as my own fucktoy.
