Low self esteem and self confidence

[JMatthews]

Advice on how to deal with low self esteem and confidence. I was a late bloomer and I was really shy and backwards. I’m approaching mid life and for the most part, I’m positive and happy. But there are times where self doubt, particularly about my appearance, creep up.

 

[Vicki_Wolf]

I think you just have to remember we are our own harshest critics. We look into the mirror and see faults, see imperfections, see doubts. What you need to do is see yourself through someone else's eyes. What you see as imperfection or faults, they often see as unique and beautiful. One of my favorite singers is Stevie Nicks. Her voice would never win a singing contest, rough, gravely, an octive to low, and a bit too twangy. She could wish she had a "more Perfect one". But to her fans, her bandmates, her friends, they hear character, they hear raw emotion, they hear the someone singing with their heart. Not perfect but far better.

Doubts and fears can motivate us to work or try harder. There is nothing wrong with having them they key is accepting them for what they are and modeling them into what they could be rather than being obsessed about what they are.

And when all else fails......ask someone for a hug and let them show you how beautiful you are inside and out.

 

[Busty_Nerd]

Confidence is a skill. It takes practice to get to a good confidence level. Nobody is born confident. We get there through practice, having a good support system, and absolutely allowing yourself to make mistakes and grow. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself room to grow.

I think what @Vicki_Wolf said about us being far too harsh on ourselves is true. I always wanted to dress up a certain way and present myself to other people the way I saw myself. It took a long time to get comfortable and confident to dress how I always wanted to and not care what other people think about it. Your appearance too, is something you can change. You should do what makes you happy and change the things you don't like and for the things you can't change take the time to appreciate yourself and slowly disconnect from society's opinions and what other people think about it. Slowly building confidence is something that takes practice. Soon enough you'll be confident enough in yourself and don't have to rely on other people's opinions of you.

Being your authentic self is brave.

 

[Busty_Nerd]

I wrestle with this sort thing and it's probably worse in my case because I suffer from anxiety AND depression.

If you've seen some of the mental health threads on here, I've grown up around this my whole life and occasionally offer advice. I would slightly tailor my advice to you to actively see a doctor and discuss medication and other treatments while you also work on the way you see yourself. Mental illness can affect your brain in ways that just working on confidence or changing things about yourself doesn't always work fully. Getting on an anxiety medication can actually make the difference between night and day along with things like: therapy, exercise and social interactions all together can make things a lot better. I constantly am training myself to undo years of negativity I've put on myself and thinking that: if people aren't telling you what they think. They aren't thinking those terrible things about you that you're assuming they are. Sometimes we're our own worst saboteur.

 

[PraesulChris]

I'll be completely honest. This past year has been me trying to rebuild myself after a relationship completely tore me down. What has helped me the most with my self confidence was a mixture of physical exercise and providing challenges for myself. I fully believe the same can be for you as well. Seek discomfort. Embrace the difficulty of whatever challenge you set for yourself. Late bloomer, shy, backwards, whatever. You should strive to be an absolute beast no matter what your exterior looks like. If you can train your mind, your body is sure to follow. And if you need help, please reach out. We can keep each other motivated and hungry, and, most of all, make sure we're doing okay. Hang in there! The next few years are absolutely yours.