Today is National Pizza Day, so there's that! And in honor of that, here is something to hopefully make you smile. Makes me giggle, anyway. (It works better if you say the punchline with an Hispanic accent!) Q: How do they cut pizza in Mexico? A: With Little Caesars.
Kid: Grandpa, can I have a sip of your beer? Grandpa: Can your dick touch your asshole? Kid: No. Grandpa: Well then, you can't have a sip of my beer. Next Day... Kid: Grandpa, can I have a puff of your cigar? Grandpa: Does your dick touch you asshole yet? Kid: No. Grandpa: Well then, you can't have a puff of my cigar. Next Day... Grandpa: Hey those cookies look pretty good. Can I get one? Kid: Can your dick touch your asshole? Grandpa: Why, as a matter of fact, yes it can. Kid: Good - go fuck yourself. Grandma made these for me.
[ocean murder trial] HAMMERHEAD SHARK PROSECUTOR: And you are a killer whale, is that correct? KILLER WHALE DEFENDANT: Well technically yes, but... PUFFERFISH JURY: *gasps* HAMMERHEAD: I rest my case! DOLPHIN JUDGE: *bangs gavel with fin* GUILTY!! SEAHORSE PUBLIC DEFENDER: *floats up from defense table* Yeah, can somebody grab my briefcase? I literally have no way to carry it.
