THE PROBLEM WITH BDSM ON FCN

Discussion in 'Drama' started by TheKink, Nov 8, 2022.

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  1. TheKink

    TheKink Member

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    Before we get to the meat of the issue, a few disclaimers:


    1) These are my views from my personal experiences on FCN

    2) This is not an attack on a single person, I will do my best to explain my opinions, however if the shoe fits...

    3) English is not my first language, so there is a very good chance that grammar Nazis will have a field day.

    4) When I say guy or girl, I mean all sexes. I just can't be fucked to go through every single sex or sexual orientation.


    Actual chatting in a room

    Think of it this way. We are all ended up here for sexual reasons. Sure, at times we just chat to our friends, but let’s be real. Nobody goes through the entire logging on process for the first time for a general chat with strangers. We come here for sexual reasons.


    What tends to happen is after the initial sleaze, we make friends and then the chats go to normal life. Now I have no problem with that, friends talk can talk about anything and everything. However, trying to talk about BDSM in a BDSM chat room and the general discussion is about cats and how they are doing this and that kills the sexual theme of the room. What makes it worst is that newbies are often ignored or made fun off when bringing up a sexual thought.


    Think about it this way. Subbies, for all their brilliance, are normally shy people. So, they enter a room and try to put themselves out there and is then ignored or shot down. Take a minute and think how you would feel if that happened to you...


    BDSM is about including people that have weird tastes, cravings, and desires. These days it seems that most people are about excluding people rather than letting them in.


    Understanding standing different kinks

    This one is an interesting point. If you glance at the chat room, it seems most kinks are accepted, but don't be fooled. Some cyber and some don't. I was told not long ago because I am a time waster, simply because I do not cyber. Now I laughed at that statement, but others take this as an attack on their lifestyle choices. It is a shit thing to do.


    The other part that must be mentioned is that your kink might be yours, but it is not always the kink of everything in the room. To explain this, I will use an example.


    Couple A has a public humiliation kink. They have a cyber session in the main room. Good for them, hope they enjoy it. However, the room is now forced to be part of the spectacle. Now some of you might say, if you don't like it leave and I agree that is an option. But is there not a point to be made that Couple A is now forcing their kink on a room, irritating some members of the room with the only option left for some is to leave a place where they feel comfortable. To me that smells a lot like taking over a room and not giving a fuck about what others feel about it.


    So, your kink is yours, no judging there at all, but when you start forcing your kink on the room you end up being a dick. Don't be a dick.



    Respecting the lifestyle

    Now this is a point that most agree on but very few do. So, I am going to try and break down what I see happen daily


    There is zero respect for a collar in rooms. This disrespect happens in various ways but here are a few to prove my point:

    • Collars given out like candy at Halloween. Understand this, a collar is a very important thing. It is seen by some to be stronger bond than a marriage. If you are collaring/being collared every second day, you have zero respect for the lifestyle, and I fear very little respect for yourself
    • Any couple that has moved onto collared seems to become a target to break up
    • People try to change the lifestyle choices of an individual to fit their own. This is NEVER accepted in the BDSM community.
    • Dominants trying to take control of subbies that are not theirs. Hell, some of these "Dominants" are in a relationship with a sub on FCN and still try and Dom others.
    Now again, think about what happens in chat, then ask yourself... Are you actually respecting the lifestyle?



    Fakes...

    Oh, what a can of worms. The number of times I have been told this person is fake, that person is fake, this is shit...


    I think the following is a good way to get down to the meat and potatoes about the matter.


    If you are a Dominant and the only reason you Dom is to get your pecker hard.... you are a fake

    If you are a submissive and the only reason you kneel is to make a show of it for others.... you are a fake

    If your idea of being part of the BDSM community is to troll newbies with your "knowledge".... you are a fake

    If you think that a D/s relationship only revolves around sex, you might not be fake with your intentions, but you are here just to fuck, own up to it

    If your idea of a good time is to ridicule others because only you know what is the "correct way".... so, you are a fake

    If you feel that every sub must treat you like a God because you proclaim yourself to be a Dom..... you are a fake


    Oh, and don't do a test and then try to live as what the test results are. Those tests are at best a guide and normally lopsided. Be yourself. The saddest thing I ever saw was a woman that took a test that said she was a slave and then changed her entire way to fit in as a slave. I say again be yourself, more people will like you, unless you are a dick... I say again, don't be a dick.


    BDSM is about including people, teaching people, and respecting everyone first. That respect is precious, and I find that most people these days go out of their way to destroy that respect instead of treasuring it. Makes me sad, tbh.



    People being THAT idiot

    This is a pet peeve of mine. There is always that troll that comes into a room, gets off on being the biggest troll and pisses off everyone. Now I know the best way to handle these people is to not feed the troll but let’s be honest. It disrupts the flow of the room. I don't know if these trolls try to kill a room or just need more attention. But if you are that person, I am sure you have your reasons, those are shit reasons, get over yourself.


    Also, to the normal people... trolls are the living proof that you should not do drugs while pregnant.


    So, what does this all mean

    To the people that have been here for a while. Go through your friend list and see who is still active. See how many interesting people we lost because we have lost the essence of what is a BDSM chat room. The room is slowly dying out from a mix of the things listed above. Way, I see it, we can either change it or be part of the slow death of BDSM on FCN. I guess the choice is yours.
     
  2. Pyr

    Pyr Guest

    i was always a disappointment to my partners who liked BDSM... i'd either pull a Houdini and pick the locks or gnaw thru the ropes...
     
    Morella likes this.
  3. Messalinas_Heart

    Messalinas_Heart Chat Moderator Staff Member FCN Regular

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    "Don't be a dick"

    XD

    I almost spat my coffee out I laughed so hard. I know a few people who should maybe tattoo this to their forehead as a daily reminder.
     
  4. Morella

    Morella Well-Known Member FCN Regular

    You're so very right @TheKink . I remember back in 2018 and 19 where we would all chat the same subject and it was always a BDSM chat. We had fun, we played in main in Kink. sub's were truly sub's and Dom's were Dom's and the respect held to the highest standard. I miss those days, when everyone was included and there were no cliques and cliche people. We were all friends with no drama. It was just nice and the atmosphere was good. Now everyone has is in a clique or can't be friends with that person or this person because of stupid reasons. I was like that for a while until something in my life happened and my whole word changed. I changed for the good, I hate drama and I like being friends with everyone and anyone. I respect people on different levels and keep their secrets now. I don't talk about anyone and I stay away from the drama. But I respect who people are and accept them for who they are. I tell people you can't judge someone or really hate them until you have walked in their shoes for a few miles in their life because no one really knows what a person goes through in a day in day out life. You don't know their pain of present or past. You don't their memories or mental illness that they have. Online you can be who you want but in the end at the end of the day, you are still you. You still have the same problems and same illnesses. Sometimes there is no hiding who you are. I wish people would just listen with their hearts and really just let everything go. Accept everyone, get past who a person used to be and see who they are now. People change for the good or bad over years and I changed for the good. I love everything you said and you're right so many people have left and I miss them, I miss my old friends.
     
  5. Lace_n_leather

    Lace_n_leather Member FCN Regular

    Money:
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    I'm pretty new compared to some of the other people who regularly chat in s/D, and I often leave for weeks at a time so I'm not very consistent. I have seen everything you mentioned and been a part of some of it. My initial reaction to this is to be defensive heh but honestly you're right. It's been heading this way since I joined a few years ago. There's even this separation...self proclaimed "old guard" vs "new guard" bs, and several servers outside of the chat with their own drama that bleeds into fcn.
    Idk I don't think there's much that can be done. The bad blood and good times are too thick. RIP
     
    Feisty_wolf and ArchangelZad like this.
  6. sexyBabe92

    sexyBabe92 Well-Known Member FCN Regular

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    You’re right I had this problem on anther chat site. Someone from India wanted to date me so I thought I trusted him but then he confessed to me of me to send pictures to him just to jerk off to them. And I was not very happy with him at all told him he’s a fake and just using women to jerk off to there pictures
     
    Feisty_wolf and Lace_n_leather like this.
  7. ArchangelZad

    ArchangelZad Active Member FCN Regular

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    I may be new to this site, but in no way am I new to the BDSM scene as a whole. As I read all of the main post plus the replies I have noticed a few things. Somethings I just wanted to add my opinion to because I see it a lot as of late.

    1. The collar bit. I've seen this a bit in multiple rooms where either the subs look to be collared by multiple doms or Doms hand out collars without understanding the importance that comes along with it. I agree with the original post here.
    2. This is mainly for the Doms I see. your Sub should feel trust for you in all aspects of your relationship and I feel a lot of the current "Doms" are just here to feel some kinda control when it comes to something sexual. If you are a sub and you don't trust your dom. maybe you should rethink things and find out what exactly isn't right.
    3. The public display of your BDSM fantasies. This shows up in a few rooms on the chat and as you stated in the original post its like forcing your kinks onto others. its not the same as discussing your kinks or talking about past experiences or learning with the new people here.
    4. Maybe its because I already had a strong relationship with my sub before joining the site but the whole division of old and new people is not something I see. Though it may also be that this seems to be more of a problem for those that are Subs in the chat where they feel unwanted or are unable to talk. I do try to help them talk more. Though there has been a few times where they just cant handle any type of rejection at all and blow up in chat. Which makes the chat very uncomfortable for everyone that is on at the time.

    On a side note I have had a very positive interaction with most of the current chatters such as a couple replying here @Morella and @Lace_n_leather and the many others on this site that I've had positive interactions with Doms and Subs alike. I do hope that some can figure out the whole dynamic.
     
  8. Lace_n_leather

    Lace_n_leather Member FCN Regular

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    It's an interesting situation in that chat room lately lol Either straight drama or it's dead. It's nice to have decent people to chat with who aren't "pick me"s or who don't have anything to prove.
     
  9. Morella

    Morella Well-Known Member FCN Regular

    I completely agree. I just like to chat and I am just sick of everyone not liking eachother for past bs. Shit happened get over it and stop holding grudges.
     
  10. Lace_n_leather

    Lace_n_leather Member FCN Regular

    Money:
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    Girl yes ... get over it, it's a beautiful day!
     
    Morella and sexyBabe92 like this.
  11. Morella

    Morella Well-Known Member FCN Regular

    Exactly! Lol
     
  12. Br33dinfun

    Br33dinfun Member FCN Regular

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    I am new(ish) to the bdsm lifestyle. I’ve tried and found out I’m more of a dom but submissive to the right woman. But in the chat I’ve noticed how everyone expects us all to be on the same level where as I never got to progress due to my kink is not easy to live with apparently. It kinda ruins the fun and learning process I need and desire to understand the kink more. I also like to add in that I do have fun with banter but not with some of the people who just straight up act like trolls.
     

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