So Ive been married for 5 going on 6 years now. We have learned to communicate and have great sex in the years we have known each other. However, ive been wanting to do some more kinks and explore more. Things like using toys, foreplay, bsdm, etc. Nothing crazy but just a little more effort. I talked to her about it and she seemed upset. She says that kinks are not always comfortable for her. Sure I understand that. But what now i feel like im not being satisfied. I still love the sex we have and want that, but i feel insatiable. Do i cheat? She absolutely doesnt want to share me. So thats not an option. What do yall think?
She say its not "always" comfortable for her meaning there is maybe some things which she is willing o try so maybe you should asked her with what she is comfortable with. Have a safe word and respect it when it is use. Tiny steps trust is very important to trust someone when it comes to new things sexualy is a bit different. Dont push it to hard just little for little. Be considerated for her fear to try. If there is things she really cant do or really feel scared off explain without blame that you have these needs and ask her what she would suggest to meet your needs to some extent. Say that this is new for you too and that you are also still learning but would also like to explore it with her and not behind her back. Honesty is very important but also consideration for her feelings. Unfortunately, not all men or women are equally adventurous in the bedroom, but with proper communication you may find a workable solution that satisfies both. If she still refuses then you have to ask yourself how important your relationship and marriage with her is. If your sexual needs are more important and you are willing to cheat on her to satisfy them, then you will have serious problems and you will have the chance to lose her.
I agree with @SweetLesGirl. Communication is so important. My ex husband wanted to have anal sex but never asked... he would just lightly play down there. I'm direct af so I asked him and we talked about it. We had been married at that point for 9 years and I tried it for him. I had no interest whatsoever but I trusted him. Intimacy is built upon trust. And to trust each other you have to be honest and communicate. For me, sex is nothing without the intimacy. Good luck in your sexual endeavors!
If you dont mind I'll add to it a bit and see if I'm on the right path. I never know if she is actually into me at times. When I want to be intimate she kinda has been going through the motions and joking around not interested in foreplay. She just makes excuses about why when I talk to her about it. I used to be a bit more physical (in non intimate settings) when we were alone together (ie while she is cooking), but at some point she decided she didnt want that anymore so I stopped. I do what I feel is bare minimum for what lovers do compared to a roommate. Then at times she gets made and tells me it feels we are just roommates.... I asked if she wanted to have sex again last night. She said no. We have sex once or twice a month maybe. But I ask quite a bit. You are right that she is literally amazing so I want to be her life partner. So alternatively, how would you deal with the constant rejection from the one you love?
Rejection always have a reason find that reason and you can work on a sulotion ... The way you asked / tolk pay attention to that also make sure there is no anger, judgement and or frustration .. or even blame "you never want too.." kind of reactions. Intimacy is not just physical its also a deeper connection with your partner mentaly ... Some people also is not sexually turn in as others she maybe one of them. But only open and honest comminucation with trust and respect can bring those things to light. We just hear your side of how you feel and see things but how do she feel and see things .. therefor its bit difficult to really give proper advice or give you a bigger picture to look at. We all have fear some less than others and being in a relationship is not 50/50 its 100/100 the secret is to find the key to that door that will be one of consideration and compromises so that you both feel understood, comfortable and satisfied at the end of the day. I'm just a layman who shares how I experienced it and deal with it, I'm no professional relationship expert but sharing experiences might be of help sometimes
