I'll push people away and keep them at what I think is a "safe distance" for their benefit (how I just justify it in my head), then feel disappointed and alienated when I get left out or forgotten. I'm impossible at best.
I default to self-examination before self-validation. Soothing people out of hearing my pain, to protect them from feeling theirs, and eventually causing self-doubt and feeling invisible when validation or understanding aren't reciprocated.
I took up walking marathons at 62. I do them to raise money for dementia and military veterans charities as I have a personal connection to both causes.