What kind of bees make milk? Boobies
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I've been saying "mucho" to my Spanish friend a lot more often lately. It means a lot to him.
If you want to hide your face, go out naked.
That moment when you laugh so much about your friends joke you end up farting accidently.
If I had a dollar for every woman who called me handsome... I'd have a dollar. Thanks Grandma.
Ten passengers have called me a terrible bus driver today. I don’t know where these people get off!
Apparently, 29% of pet owners let their pet sleep on the bed with them, so I gave it a try. My goldfish died
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.. I’ll let you know
My friend with a stuttering problem was just sent to prison, now I fear he may never finish his sentence
What do call an Irishman sitting by the pool? Paddy O'Furniture.
I had a friend that spilled tea all over her chest. Now she has Tit-Teas
I accidentally played “dad” instead of “dead” when a bear attacked. Now it can ride a bike without training wheels
Tomorrow, my friend and I are getting new glasses. And after that? We’ll see.
What’s blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint
I went to the library and asked if I could borrow a copy of Batman Forever, they said no, I’ll have to return it next week.
Why don’t chicken breasts have nipples? Because if they got cold, they would poke holes in the packaging.
I sent a clown to deliver some flowers to a girl once.. I thought it would be a romantic jester.
What do you call a mind reader who can't read minds? A telepathetic.
If Apple built a house would it have windows?
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