There was once a guy who fell down a well because it was dark outside and he couldn't see that well.
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Had too much wine last night. Have no idea how I got home from the sofa.
I tried water polo but my horse drowned. PSA- * No horses were harmed in the making of this joke *
I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot. Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B
Turtles think frogs are homeless.
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
A vegan said to me, "People who sell meat are gross!" I said, "People who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer."
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
Your finest Scotch, please." "Yes, sir," the guy at Staples says as he hands me a 12 year old roll of tape.
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice.
Have you heard of a new game called quiet tennis? It’s like regular tennis, but without the racket
My doctor told me I’m suffering from insomnia. I asked, is it serious. He said there is no reason for any alarm
I don’t have a telescope, but it’s something I’m currently looking into.
Why do we bake cookies and cook bacon?
I remember being in so much debt that I couldn't afford my electricity bills, it was a dark time.
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
I finally learned how the computer mouse works. Everything clicks now!
My friend asked me how heavy is my lamp, I said I don’t know, usually lamps are pretty light
My friend is going deaf, I’m trying to convince him to get a hearing aid. He just won’t listen
I was going to cook alligator for dinner, but I realized all I had was a Croc Pot
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