A chicken and an egg walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Who's first?"
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Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will hunt you down and I will make you pay... You have my Word!
Oh my God lololol I'm groaning and laughing in equal measure!
My friend writes songs about sewing machines. He’s a singer song writer
I bought a dictionary and when I got home I realized all the pages were blank; I have no words for how angry I am
A teacher asks a student, "Are you ignorant or just apathetic?" The kid answers, "I don't know and I don't care
The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself "This changes everything".
I was going to say a joke about sodium, but Na
My friend Tony asked me not to speak his name backwards, I said Y not ?
A big thanks to the person that came up with the word Plethora, it means a lot
Justice is a dish best served cold because if it were served warm, it would be justwater.
When I found out my toaster wasn’t waterproof I was shocked
Albert Einstein was a genius and worthy of praise and study. His brother Frank was an absolute monster.
I’m not sexy, but when I get naked in the bathroom, the shower gets turned on
I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts' which, on the one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.
Don’t spell part backwards, it’s a trap
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water
I went to the doctor today. He told me I was getting fat, I said doc, I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too
I heard that alligators can grow up to 15 feet, but I’ve haven’t seen any with more than 4.
The Man Who Created Autocorrect Has Died. Resturant In Peace. -
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