Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children
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PSA: If you go to bed with an itchy butt, you’ll wake up with a smelly finger. You can now return to your regularly scheduled program.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
Do not eat aluminum, Or you will sheet metal
I just discovered that the word "nothing" is a palindrome... Backwards it spells "gnihton", which also means nothing
What do you call cheap circumcision? A rip-off.
I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn. It doesn't cure it but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night.
Shout out to my grandma since that’s the only way she can hear you.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was five.
My friend stole a calendar the other day..He got twelve months.
I didn’t like my beard at first, but then it grew on me.
It sure takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
I recently wrote a book on how to fall down stairs. It’s a step-by-step book.
Smoking will kill you… bacon will kill you… and yet, smoking bacon will cure it.
My friend just found out I replaced their bed with a trampoline. They hit the roof.
I accidentally handed my friend a glue stick instead of chapstick. They still aren’t talking to me.
I’m skeptical of anyone who tells me they do yoga every day. That’s a bit of a stretch.”
What has 4 letters, occasionally 12 letters, always 6 letters, but never 5 letters?
The circle is the most ridiculous shape in the world! There’s absolutely no point to it.
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