What's it like to have a penis? It's hard sometimes.
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My least favorite color is orange. I hate it more than yellow and red combined.
I tried to explain to a 4 year old kid that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants, but he's still making fun of me
I'm on a health kick. I've decided to stop using the drive-thru at McDonald's! I'm going to park the car and walk in.
People with diarrhea don't have their shit together.
"Orion's Belt is a big waist of space." Terrible joke. Only three stars.
I went to the sign store but all they had were left-hand turn signs. I didn't buy one because I knew it just wouldn't be right.
I can't believe that viruses and bacteria would just invade my body without a permission. That makes me sick.
I don’t always tell dad jokes, but when I do, he usually laughs.
I used to play piano by ear, now I just use my hands.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth today. Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent
I've seen a meteor shower, but never seen a meteor take a bath.
While most puns make me feel numb, mathematic puns make me feel number
Friends are like condoms: They protect you when things get hard.
Ham and Eggs: A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
Constipated people don’t give a crap.
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is it homeless or naked?
When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
I’ve noticed Americans use a lot of French words regularly, kinda like hor d’oeuvres. And that’s just for starters
Remember, if you smoke after sex you’re doing it too fast.
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