A friend’s daughter likes Escalator’s, her son likes Elevators. They are raised differently.
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A cow with no legs is ground beef, a cow with two legs is lean beef, would a one-legged Hippo be called a Hoppo?
I tried to use fortnight as a password, but the website said it was two week.
With great power, comes great electricity bills.
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Did you know that Iceland is only one (C) sea away from Ireland?
A lot of people cry when they cut onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.
Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.
As I get older and I remember all the people I’ve lost along the way, I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me.
My first experience with culture shock? Probably when I peed on an electric fence
Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards." Me: "And?"
Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer... I saw the video... we need to talk.
When taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - do you know if you’re coming or going.
I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.
I went out drinking on St Patricks Day, so I took a bus home... That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.
Nothing starts with an N and ends with a G
She asked if I had my shit together yet? I said of course, cause no one wants a man with Diarrhea.
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