I put ketchup on my shopping list, now I can’t see anything.
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To Spell the word Panda you just need a P and A
Me: I’m afraid of the Backstreet Boys. Therapist: Tell me why, Me: Ahhhhhhhhhh as I run out of the room
My mum bought me a really cheap dictionary for my birthday. I couldn’t find the words to thank her.
I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said… “You know, one would have been enough.”
Some people say they have a black belt, well in Karate, I have a black eye.
If a dentist and a manicurist got married then have an argument, would they fight tooth and nail?
This is almost as bad as the Talking Fish News on SpongeBob lol
Swarm of flying insects threaten town, Police deploy SWAT team!
I got booted from the coffee club because I wore a Tea Shirt.
Recent headline: Man in boxers lead police on brief chase.
Laughing out loud is forbidden in Hawaii because it’s a low ha state.
Taking steps to overcome my hiking addiction, I’m not out of the woods yet.
I keep getting told to stop pretending I’m butter, but I’m on a roll now.
FYI: Tall people sleep longer, and I think I have insomnia, but I’m not going to lose any sleep over it
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it’s only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy’s truck leaves him too.
Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal!
Whoever said technology would replace all paper obviously hasn’t tried wiping their but with an IPad.
I didn’t know if I would like the flowers I planted in the garden recently, but they’re growing on me.
I got an email saying that Google Maps can read maps backwards, it’s obviously spam. -
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