Thoughts A Journal Entry
- Thread starter D_go
- Start date
Today was really a great day. Upbeat, jolly and fan-fucking-tastic. I had a check up today, got a couple shots. I know right, like how old am I. Started up conversations while in the waiting room,
Ate some wing-stop and bill millers, going to sonic after this the get me some half-priced drinks, Yeah. Life is great. Supposed to meet up with someone, I don't really feel like going all that way so I think Ill have her come-thur.
Well more tomorrow Journal.
Ate some wing-stop and bill millers, going to sonic after this the get me some half-priced drinks, Yeah. Life is great. Supposed to meet up with someone, I don't really feel like going all that way so I think Ill have her come-thur.
Well more tomorrow Journal.
So yesterday September 1st was Jen's birthday I was a little sad not going to lie, I didn't cry though.
Today September 2nd is the anniversary of Jen's death. Today wasn't that bad it started off a little so so, I pretty much was jamming to music choice all day, shit still am. Couple songs played I knew that was Jen, I mean what are the olds. Out of all the songs those songs played.
You know I love you too baaaby.
I pretty much spent the majority of my day texting with this one female I met last week. I swear our conversations are just getting longer and longer.
Love you baby, Thanks for bringing ***** in to this life of mine. Especially today. Love You Bitch. Missing you this much. ,||. * kisses the sky*
Today September 2nd is the anniversary of Jen's death. Today wasn't that bad it started off a little so so, I pretty much was jamming to music choice all day, shit still am. Couple songs played I knew that was Jen, I mean what are the olds. Out of all the songs those songs played.
You know I love you too baaaby.
I pretty much spent the majority of my day texting with this one female I met last week. I swear our conversations are just getting longer and longer.
Love you baby, Thanks for bringing ***** in to this life of mine. Especially today. Love You Bitch. Missing you this much. ,||. * kisses the sky*
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I haven't been writing much lately but I feel like "why the hell I stop?" I got caught up on other things.
I put it on paper but I feel that doesn't make me a writer.
I see it as expressing myself, not my opinions, not my two cents. Just me. I've writing pages of my emotions, my pain, my struggle.... Me, That I kept to myself.
I'm doing this for me. I think I was scared to share, maybe I just thought no one would care nor read.
I love writing..... this is me putting what I write down for all to see.
I put it on paper but I feel that doesn't make me a writer.
I see it as expressing myself, not my opinions, not my two cents. Just me. I've writing pages of my emotions, my pain, my struggle.... Me, That I kept to myself.
I'm doing this for me. I think I was scared to share, maybe I just thought no one would care nor read.
I love writing..... this is me putting what I write down for all to see.
I can't remember the last time I cried but I do remember times that I have cried.
I hate thinking about that dark period in my life, mostly because I worked so hard to get passed it. Those years of my life... damn.... I was so???.... So fucking sad. No, I was hurting, in pain. As I look back I remember everything. I member this one night I held my pillow so tight. Held it so fucking tight over my face. That night was the loudest I've ever cried, Screaming in pain. I never thought Id be happy again.
Its weird but at this moment I'm wanting to help.... Go back and let me know im going to be okay, hold myself and be there for that lil motherfucker.
I don't know if this is fucked to say but this is the second time im saying this.
"I hate that it took me losing my first love, Jen. I hate that I had to lose everything, suffer and hurt, but I love who I am today. How I see things, How Ive learned, How I came to appreciate. How I feel that it's made me a better person.
I miss my baby, Jen. I was going to marry ya girl...
But if I could go back and change the past so I can be with her again.... I wouldn't."
I love who I am today... I'm happy and I love this life of mine.
I hate thinking about that dark period in my life, mostly because I worked so hard to get passed it. Those years of my life... damn.... I was so???.... So fucking sad. No, I was hurting, in pain. As I look back I remember everything. I member this one night I held my pillow so tight. Held it so fucking tight over my face. That night was the loudest I've ever cried, Screaming in pain. I never thought Id be happy again.
Its weird but at this moment I'm wanting to help.... Go back and let me know im going to be okay, hold myself and be there for that lil motherfucker.
I don't know if this is fucked to say but this is the second time im saying this.
"I hate that it took me losing my first love, Jen. I hate that I had to lose everything, suffer and hurt, but I love who I am today. How I see things, How Ive learned, How I came to appreciate. How I feel that it's made me a better person.
I miss my baby, Jen. I was going to marry ya girl...
But if I could go back and change the past so I can be with her again.... I wouldn't."
I love who I am today... I'm happy and I love this life of mine.
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Captains log. Star date 73442.7.
Today our vessel headed to the Alaskan district, our destination was thought to be a little known stop at Quintiles Factory Camp however it turns out that we were mistaken. A throng of vessels and occupants of those vessels descended on the location immediately after sunrise. It was not stop traffic throughout the day, the market place selling corn wrapped delicacies, and explosives in preparation for what seems to be a celebration of some sorts. Although we returned to our vessel safely, our crew was concerned over the time it took to complete our scans of the objects in the camp. Even though it broke normal protocol, a variety of samples have been returned to our crew to satisfy every palette. A grand feast will be held in the following days, and a celebration of completing our mission successfully, where gifts will be exchanged amongst one another.
We look forward to our next outting, I expect in roughly 2 earth days time.
Today our vessel headed to the Alaskan district, our destination was thought to be a little known stop at Quintiles Factory Camp however it turns out that we were mistaken. A throng of vessels and occupants of those vessels descended on the location immediately after sunrise. It was not stop traffic throughout the day, the market place selling corn wrapped delicacies, and explosives in preparation for what seems to be a celebration of some sorts. Although we returned to our vessel safely, our crew was concerned over the time it took to complete our scans of the objects in the camp. Even though it broke normal protocol, a variety of samples have been returned to our crew to satisfy every palette. A grand feast will be held in the following days, and a celebration of completing our mission successfully, where gifts will be exchanged amongst one another.
We look forward to our next outting, I expect in roughly 2 earth days time.
( I started this wanting to be a song)
knew about your past, the shit they put you through. Imma treat you like a princess baby, do things that are new to you, shit you aint use to. So forget the past and men who used to and used you. Your my baby now.
Imma tell you what you've never heard , tell you what no one has told you. I myself will take the time so I can I tell you what has never been said before. never ever again will you have say "oh I've heard that before" Not with me.
I know it just brings back those bad memories that I want you to forget and replace with memories of all the good we're going to do together.
I hate to repeat myself but you a princess baby. You're my motherfuking princess that's going to become a motherfuking Queen.
knew about your past, the shit they put you through. Imma treat you like a princess baby, do things that are new to you, shit you aint use to. So forget the past and men who used to and used you. Your my baby now.
Imma tell you what you've never heard , tell you what no one has told you. I myself will take the time so I can I tell you what has never been said before. never ever again will you have say "oh I've heard that before" Not with me.
I know it just brings back those bad memories that I want you to forget and replace with memories of all the good we're going to do together.
I hate to repeat myself but you a princess baby. You're my motherfuking princess that's going to become a motherfuking Queen.
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I lay restless at night dreaming about the next time I can lay down with another that will hold me close. Rub my skin with compassion. Yet the clock continues to wind. Hours turn into days, days into weeks. The leaves were green and still heavy in the trees that now stand bare. But I still feel the warmth from your touch.
I feel like I do some of my best writing at night. Alone, in my state of mind.
Turning my mood, my emotions into words. Words with pain, happiness, words you can feel.
Well I try...
So I haven't done any creative writing in awhile now. Today.... Nah...not going to be that day.
Ill write the shit thats in my head.
Ahhh man that can go on for hours. There's times when I just can't keep up with my mind.
I'll pick a specific subject or a memory. Now.... that takes more effort. I go deep into my mind, to those dark places, exploring my brain. I do enjoy that part. I find the process fun. It's like my mind is asking me questions and then I'll answer the questions, Or vice versa I'm asking my mind questions. If one don't have an answer, well have a conversation. To understand the question better, and have a answer. Doing this process I learned alot about myself. Sounds crazy I know. Just one of the tools I use.
And there's times when I want to write a song. Now it could be a rap song . It could be love song . Basically it all depends on how I feel at the moment or what inspired me to want to write a song.
Truth is I don't know if the shit I write is good. Only you can answer that. Im putting my writings out for everyone to see. I want em to be read Instead of just having em stay in that notebook. I enjoy my writing. Sol imma let them free into the world. Let's see if others will enjoy em as well
To be honest I came here with a topic I wanted to write about and it ended up being this. I just went with it.
Oh and I do love feedback.
Turning my mood, my emotions into words. Words with pain, happiness, words you can feel.
Well I try...
So I haven't done any creative writing in awhile now. Today.... Nah...not going to be that day.
Ill write the shit thats in my head.
Ahhh man that can go on for hours. There's times when I just can't keep up with my mind.
I'll pick a specific subject or a memory. Now.... that takes more effort. I go deep into my mind, to those dark places, exploring my brain. I do enjoy that part. I find the process fun. It's like my mind is asking me questions and then I'll answer the questions, Or vice versa I'm asking my mind questions. If one don't have an answer, well have a conversation. To understand the question better, and have a answer. Doing this process I learned alot about myself. Sounds crazy I know. Just one of the tools I use.
And there's times when I want to write a song. Now it could be a rap song . It could be love song . Basically it all depends on how I feel at the moment or what inspired me to want to write a song.
Truth is I don't know if the shit I write is good. Only you can answer that. Im putting my writings out for everyone to see. I want em to be read Instead of just having em stay in that notebook. I enjoy my writing. Sol imma let them free into the world. Let's see if others will enjoy em as well
To be honest I came here with a topic I wanted to write about and it ended up being this. I just went with it.
Oh and I do love feedback.
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Just a little poem I guess.
I sit in the darkness of night, avoiding light, staying out of sight.
Yet I still feel something or somebody just might or even bite, which puts me in a fright.
I rub my eyes twice. now. I see things in the darkness of night I take a deep breath.
Now I know it's going to be a Long Crazy Night. Just another one of those nights that I really don't like.
Will this be the night I build all of my might to fight off this fright.
I sit in the darkness of night, avoiding light, staying out of sight
I sit in the darkness of night, avoiding light, staying out of sight.
Yet I still feel something or somebody just might or even bite, which puts me in a fright.
I rub my eyes twice. now. I see things in the darkness of night I take a deep breath.
Now I know it's going to be a Long Crazy Night. Just another one of those nights that I really don't like.
Will this be the night I build all of my might to fight off this fright.
I sit in the darkness of night, avoiding light, staying out of sight
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Friday the 12 2020.... like the show
Today was a weird day. Not weird like me but weird as how I was trying to enjoy myself. Bish it's Fri.....day .I did here and there.
Somebody made me smile today like hard. It felt good. They helped me get back to the mood I wanted to be in.
I laughed today, a good fucking laugh. I hadn't had a laugh like that in a while.
I had read something that I posted that cracked me. The fuck up. Thinking about it now is making my ass giggle a little
I was trying, wanting to enjoy myself. I noticed that I keep getting pulled back in to that fal mood. Now because 1what's going on around the world. I found myself talking shit at the TV while watching videos on YouTube.
I'm hearing a lot of things. I don't agree with several things not at all.
Things that stick out to me the most.. I found myself repeating same thing " if you really cared you would have done this years ago" like alot. I feel like some of these people are just on the bandwagon. Bandwagon hoes I call em.
They don't care they. Just want their 15 minutes or they just want to be a part of something
I heard someone say " we're all dealing the Coronavirus, but black people have to deal with the coronavirus and racism".t
That pissed me the fuk off. Then happen to see black lives matter everywhere. Like only black people are having to deal with racism and no one els. It just upsets me.
Well today Satursay I'm feeling better A lot better.
Today was a weird day. Not weird like me but weird as how I was trying to enjoy myself. Bish it's Fri.....day .I did here and there.
Somebody made me smile today like hard. It felt good. They helped me get back to the mood I wanted to be in.
I laughed today, a good fucking laugh. I hadn't had a laugh like that in a while.
I had read something that I posted that cracked me. The fuck up. Thinking about it now is making my ass giggle a little
I was trying, wanting to enjoy myself. I noticed that I keep getting pulled back in to that fal mood. Now because 1what's going on around the world. I found myself talking shit at the TV while watching videos on YouTube.
I'm hearing a lot of things. I don't agree with several things not at all.
Things that stick out to me the most.. I found myself repeating same thing " if you really cared you would have done this years ago" like alot. I feel like some of these people are just on the bandwagon. Bandwagon hoes I call em.
They don't care they. Just want their 15 minutes or they just want to be a part of something
I heard someone say " we're all dealing the Coronavirus, but black people have to deal with the coronavirus and racism".t
That pissed me the fuk off. Then happen to see black lives matter everywhere. Like only black people are having to deal with racism and no one els. It just upsets me.
Well today Satursay I'm feeling better A lot better.
I like getting into my feelings...
Ill sit outside lookimg at my surroundings. The birds flying up above, people walking by. The wind blowing trees. hearing the windchime. While I get in touch with myself.
Getting to Know Myself even better. So I know what the fuck is going on with this beaner, all aspects of me . mentally, physically. And all the little things in between.
I'll write everything that I see that make me feel angry, annoyed. Things I don't like and why I don't I don't like it.
I come across a lot of hate here. people just being rude to ohers for no reason.
There's no need for any of that.
Shit..... If know that... if this beaner knows and understands that is not right. Then I know you understand.
You are an adult you should know better
I want to understand why they do that what are the reason... to mess with people.
Explain to me why you do that.
I really want to understand your view of i just see as you being rude.
There's times when I'm in that moment of anger and I react. Then when I get back to my normal state. I look back at how I reacted and no... I know I could handle that better.
I care about other people's feelings.
I know those worlds that are receiving that can't feel good.
I'll write about things that I like. People that I get a good vibe off.. What made me smile. Etc.
My head is no longer in that state so I feel like I've accomplished a little something today..
Ill sit outside lookimg at my surroundings. The birds flying up above, people walking by. The wind blowing trees. hearing the windchime. While I get in touch with myself.
Getting to Know Myself even better. So I know what the fuck is going on with this beaner, all aspects of me . mentally, physically. And all the little things in between.
I'll write everything that I see that make me feel angry, annoyed. Things I don't like and why I don't I don't like it.
I come across a lot of hate here. people just being rude to ohers for no reason.
There's no need for any of that.
Shit..... If know that... if this beaner knows and understands that is not right. Then I know you understand.
You are an adult you should know better
I want to understand why they do that what are the reason... to mess with people.
Explain to me why you do that.
I really want to understand your view of i just see as you being rude.
There's times when I'm in that moment of anger and I react. Then when I get back to my normal state. I look back at how I reacted and no... I know I could handle that better.
I care about other people's feelings.
I know those worlds that are receiving that can't feel good.
I'll write about things that I like. People that I get a good vibe off.. What made me smile. Etc.
My head is no longer in that state so I feel like I've accomplished a little something today..