How do you accept your sexuality

[secretlybusting2gays]

Growing up gay was an insult. Didnt know what it meant, just knew I didnt wanna be it. Found out it meant 2 gays liking each other. I’m like cool im not gay. Always had crushes on females, got turned on by females.

But when i started going through puberty the worst thing that could happen happened. I came across gay porn and was aroused.

i thought it was a fluke. Calmed down, looked at beautiful women photos got aroused. Felt such relief. Ok, good, im not gay.

but this planted a seed of doubt, a seed of identity eroding shame. Why did i get aroused?

i only desired females so wtf was this?

i came across some gay porn from time to time. I usually was already aroused when id see this content so id dismiss any reactions. But when id see these photos of men havibg sex, my heart would pound so damned hard, i could feel my heart beat in my throat. Id be aroused but in a different wat. Id be scared, but u ignored this and pretended i felt nothing.

one day i came actoss a photo of 2 guys having anal sec. My heart pounded violently, i skipped past the photo pretending i didnt feel nothing…. But i took note of the page number from google image search.

A few days later, when i wasnt aroused, i went to google, searched the same phrase (“bubble butt”) went to the page number, saw the same image of 2 guys having sex, and instantly got aroused. Like rock hard. My heart pounding in my throat, turned on but absolutely terrified.

i felt like crying, i closed the internet browser, cleared my search history, and went to my room.
I felt so ashamed. Being gay was the worst thing I could ever be. But here I was getting violently aroused looking at photos of gay men having sex.

i pretended it was a fluke. Kept pretending ny dick was just having a bad day. But I couldnt stop thinking about those gat photos I came across.

i reasoned with my self - I have only climaxed to females so no, I’m not gay.

but that night, laying alone in mu bed, I thought of those gay guys having anal sex. My dick shot up instantly, I was rock hard immediately. I thought about those photos. No lube no lotion no nothing, I grabbed my dick and began to masturbate. My heart pounding in my throat I was so excited I started shaking. In 5 second I came harder than I had ever come in my life. No lube nothing, I never climaxed that hard ever. I believed i loved women, but no woman had ever aroused me like this.

post nut clarity, shame starts to kick in. No…. I just masturbated to some gay ass shit, so I must be….gay?


no no no no no it was a fluke. The lies that used to calm me down no longer had effect.

i was now officially the thing i was taught to avoid, taught to despise… i had just masturbated to gay porn, and I couldnt deny to myself that it turned me on way more than the regular female stuff I normally watched.

i wanted to cry, wanted to crawl under the rug and disappear.

i kept rationalizingz i read that spme straight guys watch gay porn and are still straight. I said yeah thats me i aint gay no doubt.


But everytime id see gay porn its like my heart would skip a beat.

while i watched regular female porn and would get aroused, gay porn was legit a short cut to arousal. I would get turbed on immediately, if i had lube id cum within 2 minutes or less. I never watched gay porn and didnt cum.

its taking me so long to accept who i am but damnt life is short and who cares what other people think or do?


My question, how do you accept yourself? How did you openly start pursuing homosexual relationships and encounters?

What gave you the courage to finally be yourself?


—-

 

[Alextor5050]

Growing up gay was an insult. Didnt know what it meant, just knew I didnt wanna be it. Found out it meant 2 gays liking each other. I’m like cool im not gay. Always had crushes on females, got turned on by females.

But when i started going through puberty the worst thing that could happen happened. I came across gay porn and was aroused.

i thought it was a fluke. Calmed down, looked at beautiful women photos got aroused. Felt such relief. Ok, good, im not gay.

but this planted a seed of doubt, a seed of identity eroding shame. Why did i get aroused?

i only desired females so wtf was this?

i came across some gay porn from time to time. I usually was already aroused when id see this content so id dismiss any reactions. But when id see these photos of men havibg sex, my heart would pound so damned hard, i could feel my heart beat in my throat. Id be aroused but in a different wat. Id be scared, but u ignored this and pretended i felt nothing.

one day i came actoss a photo of 2 guys having anal sec. My heart pounded violently, i skipped past the photo pretending i didnt feel nothing…. But i took note of the page number from google image search.

A few days later, when i wasnt aroused, i went to google, searched the same phrase (“bubble butt”) went to the page number, saw the same image of 2 guys having sex, and instantly got aroused. Like rock hard. My heart pounding in my throat, turned on but absolutely terrified.

i felt like crying, i closed the internet browser, cleared my search history, and went to my room.
I felt so ashamed. Being gay was the worst thing I could ever be. But here I was getting violently aroused looking at photos of gay men having sex.

i pretended it was a fluke. Kept pretending ny dick was just having a bad day. But I couldnt stop thinking about those gat photos I came across.

i reasoned with my self - I have only climaxed to females so no, I’m not gay.

but that night, laying alone in mu bed, I thought of those gay guys having anal sex. My dick shot up instantly, I was rock hard immediately. I thought about those photos. No lube no lotion no nothing, I grabbed my dick and began to masturbate. My heart pounding in my throat I was so excited I started shaking. In 5 second I came harder than I had ever come in my life. No lube nothing, I never climaxed that hard ever. I believed i loved women, but no woman had ever aroused me like this.

post nut clarity, shame starts to kick in. No…. I just masturbated to some gay ass shit, so I must be….gay?


no no no no no it was a fluke. The lies that used to calm me down no longer had effect.

i was now officially the thing i was taught to avoid, taught to despise… i had just masturbated to gay porn, and I couldnt deny to myself that it turned me on way more than the regular female stuff I normally watched.

i wanted to cry, wanted to crawl under the rug and disappear.

i kept rationalizingz i read that spme straight guys watch gay porn and are still straight. I said yeah thats me i aint gay no doubt.


But everytime id see gay porn its like my heart would skip a beat.

while i watched regular female porn and would get aroused, gay porn was legit a short cut to arousal. I would get turbed on immediately, if i had lube id cum within 2 minutes or less. I never watched gay porn and didnt cum.

its taking me so long to accept who i am but damnt life is short and who cares what other people think or do?


My question, how do you accept yourself? How did you openly start pursuing homosexual relationships and encounters?

What gave you the courage to finally be yourself?

It took a while for me to accept my gay desires, especially as a married man. Like you, I live gay porn and it excites me. After some conflicting thoughts, I finally understood that my body does not lie. I accepted that gay sex aroused me..... So why fight it? I enjoy it secretly as it is still taboo and I am married. So I enjoy my seek sexual desire discretely and sadly, recognizing I should not suppress or deny it. But also recognizing that this is a very private thing for me. I have found a few men to enjoy this feeling with. We are discrete and careful and lead a secret life. There is no need to chose...... Enjoy what comes naturally.... If you can get past the moral concept of "cheating"