Im writing this for myself only.When I feel really lonely I visit online chat rooms.This place was my healing but also my hurt.
By the timeI had used and abused not only my mind and body but also my emotional existence I was at the brink of leaving forever.After many months of aimlessly spending most of my days here I had already finished my reserves of sanity.Around Valentine's Day i ended up meeting someone here tho just before I was gonna leave.
It progressed into something pretty quickly.More than I was comfortable with but I felt it's the right thing to do no matter how large the consequences can be if I'm unlucky.
Our relationship or whatever it was ended prematurely because obviously the internet is fake.Everyone can be anyone here ...You can fake it till you make/break it.After a while you don't even know how to do anything but pretend.Then you do dumb shit which the other person sees through and can't even save yourself anymore.
I really miss a wanderer I met here.Probably won't see him again ever but i hope our paths cross again when the time is right.
I still think of him everyday and whatever I learned from him.I still read our chats.And it still pinches.
I'm wondering about how many countless people have lost a part of their heart to someone here.Maybe the other person was genuine.Maybe they were being fake to get laid,maybe they weren't even real.
But someone wise told me coincidence is nothing.You meet people for a reason.
The beginning of the end of a companionship is always freeing in a way.You feel like you don't have to pretend anymore.You can say what you want without caring about how these faceless people perceive you.Anonymous sex is always safe.
I feel safe here.Safest in roleplaying where you can be as kinky and slutty as you want but if someone turns around and calls you a slut you can go "oh it's not me ! It's my character" . Although it's you.
Oof what am I even saying.idk..Its the anxiety and derealzation.I pray these empty nights
Feel less lonely soon
and the pain of his memory and the feeling of his touch on my naked body stay in the past as a memory which will be bittersweet like mint chocolate.
By the timeI had used and abused not only my mind and body but also my emotional existence I was at the brink of leaving forever.After many months of aimlessly spending most of my days here I had already finished my reserves of sanity.Around Valentine's Day i ended up meeting someone here tho just before I was gonna leave.
It progressed into something pretty quickly.More than I was comfortable with but I felt it's the right thing to do no matter how large the consequences can be if I'm unlucky.
Our relationship or whatever it was ended prematurely because obviously the internet is fake.Everyone can be anyone here ...You can fake it till you make/break it.After a while you don't even know how to do anything but pretend.Then you do dumb shit which the other person sees through and can't even save yourself anymore.
I really miss a wanderer I met here.Probably won't see him again ever but i hope our paths cross again when the time is right.
I still think of him everyday and whatever I learned from him.I still read our chats.And it still pinches.
I'm wondering about how many countless people have lost a part of their heart to someone here.Maybe the other person was genuine.Maybe they were being fake to get laid,maybe they weren't even real.
But someone wise told me coincidence is nothing.You meet people for a reason.
The beginning of the end of a companionship is always freeing in a way.You feel like you don't have to pretend anymore.You can say what you want without caring about how these faceless people perceive you.Anonymous sex is always safe.
I feel safe here.Safest in roleplaying where you can be as kinky and slutty as you want but if someone turns around and calls you a slut you can go "oh it's not me ! It's my character" . Although it's you.
Oof what am I even saying.idk..Its the anxiety and derealzation.I pray these empty nights
Feel less lonely soon
and the pain of his memory and the feeling of his touch on my naked body stay in the past as a memory which will be bittersweet like mint chocolate.
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