S
Sarah_56
Guest
When I was first married, we watched a sex movie called ‘Insatiable’.
The title was misleading, because the heroine was not really insatiable so much as unstoppable: she did not so much require or demand sex as, when sexually stimulated, respond so immediately and with such intensity that she could allow noithing to prevent her orgasm.
Although I was young, and sexually inexperienced, I saw something of myself in her: I have some of that unstoppability, that intensity, that inability to hold back once started. My husband wass my first boyfriend and we married when I was 20. We held back from full sex until just before we married, though I was not quite a virgin when we met: but he learnt that once stimulated sexually I could not hold back - and he exploited that, though for my pleasure as much as his, and he respected my need to not engage in a full sexual relationship until married. Once married, my unstoppability was fully unleassed and our sex life was full, satisfying, vigorous, frequent and reasonably adventurous.
I never really thought about sex: I didn’t need to, it was just there as an integral part of our loving relationship. Yes, when separated I resorted to masturbation but as a physical more than emotional release. And yes, I entered upon a brief and disastrous affair, but that was more to do with my vain need for self-validation than for sex.
Now sex is no longer part of our lives: a consequence of his prostate cancer, successful treatement but sad side effect of lack of sexual ability but also desire. And in a way I am content with the loss of that side of life: I had good sex for 32 years, and that is not taken away from me by its current lack. I still have the love, support, respect, companionship and admiration that made that sex so good. But I do desire sexual gratification, and do resort to masturbation, frequently - and to fantssy, which is why I am here on this forum.
Here, in this very open and very sexual forum, I think I explore myself - the sexual side of me - and I find myself insatiable: no longer just unstoppable but actually unsated, seeking so often for more, to go further, to be more extreme. My married sex life was with one man, inextricably part of a full and meaningful loving relationship: my sex life here is more extreme, wilder, more needy and urgent. But thinking back to that movie - ‘Insatiable’ - I think I see that what I do here is not so far from what I lived. What I say, do and share here is not so far, not so much more extreme, than the real sex life that fulfilled me so much.
When I refer to what I do here, I mean what those who follow me will recognise as my frequent desire for forceful, demanding sex with multiple partners - what might be called being gangbanged but I think is more like ‘pulling a train’ - multiple men taking me in turns. To me, that is extreme - and surpising, though no longer shocking since I am used to it: but I do ask myself why I should think like that - how could one man have sated my sexual needs for so many years, and now I desire to be taken by so many more? What changed me, what perversion or obsession has taken hold of me to lead me that way so frequently?
I see it now, perhaps mistakenly, as insatiability: that the real sex I had was such an integral part of life that it did indeed sate me - through its frequency but also its demanding nature, but enhanced by being so much a part of everything that made my life what it was - what it still is. To get that now from one man, within the shallow narrow confines of simple physical sexual gratification, would not be possible: it needed the emotional, loving, caring, supporting context of a full and shared married life. So however intense the mental images and feelings I conjure to fuel my masturbation, when I cum I cum and there is nothing to continue it, to sustain the orgasm, to bring me to another and another, as I was used to: and so I imagine more men, so that the stimulation repeats, so that I can imagine going on and on but without risking thinking of that long term emotional connection that would sate me with one man alone.
The title was misleading, because the heroine was not really insatiable so much as unstoppable: she did not so much require or demand sex as, when sexually stimulated, respond so immediately and with such intensity that she could allow noithing to prevent her orgasm.
Although I was young, and sexually inexperienced, I saw something of myself in her: I have some of that unstoppability, that intensity, that inability to hold back once started. My husband wass my first boyfriend and we married when I was 20. We held back from full sex until just before we married, though I was not quite a virgin when we met: but he learnt that once stimulated sexually I could not hold back - and he exploited that, though for my pleasure as much as his, and he respected my need to not engage in a full sexual relationship until married. Once married, my unstoppability was fully unleassed and our sex life was full, satisfying, vigorous, frequent and reasonably adventurous.
I never really thought about sex: I didn’t need to, it was just there as an integral part of our loving relationship. Yes, when separated I resorted to masturbation but as a physical more than emotional release. And yes, I entered upon a brief and disastrous affair, but that was more to do with my vain need for self-validation than for sex.
Now sex is no longer part of our lives: a consequence of his prostate cancer, successful treatement but sad side effect of lack of sexual ability but also desire. And in a way I am content with the loss of that side of life: I had good sex for 32 years, and that is not taken away from me by its current lack. I still have the love, support, respect, companionship and admiration that made that sex so good. But I do desire sexual gratification, and do resort to masturbation, frequently - and to fantssy, which is why I am here on this forum.
Here, in this very open and very sexual forum, I think I explore myself - the sexual side of me - and I find myself insatiable: no longer just unstoppable but actually unsated, seeking so often for more, to go further, to be more extreme. My married sex life was with one man, inextricably part of a full and meaningful loving relationship: my sex life here is more extreme, wilder, more needy and urgent. But thinking back to that movie - ‘Insatiable’ - I think I see that what I do here is not so far from what I lived. What I say, do and share here is not so far, not so much more extreme, than the real sex life that fulfilled me so much.
When I refer to what I do here, I mean what those who follow me will recognise as my frequent desire for forceful, demanding sex with multiple partners - what might be called being gangbanged but I think is more like ‘pulling a train’ - multiple men taking me in turns. To me, that is extreme - and surpising, though no longer shocking since I am used to it: but I do ask myself why I should think like that - how could one man have sated my sexual needs for so many years, and now I desire to be taken by so many more? What changed me, what perversion or obsession has taken hold of me to lead me that way so frequently?
I see it now, perhaps mistakenly, as insatiability: that the real sex I had was such an integral part of life that it did indeed sate me - through its frequency but also its demanding nature, but enhanced by being so much a part of everything that made my life what it was - what it still is. To get that now from one man, within the shallow narrow confines of simple physical sexual gratification, would not be possible: it needed the emotional, loving, caring, supporting context of a full and shared married life. So however intense the mental images and feelings I conjure to fuel my masturbation, when I cum I cum and there is nothing to continue it, to sustain the orgasm, to bring me to another and another, as I was used to: and so I imagine more men, so that the stimulation repeats, so that I can imagine going on and on but without risking thinking of that long term emotional connection that would sate me with one man alone.
