I apologize, but I think you misunderstood. The scenario is...you are married, your spouse decides to stop having sex with you, and you go have sex with another person. Is that cheating?
Your post was not worded properly. That's also how
@emptynestcpl understood your post.
I have thought extensively about cheating and have more than a few observations.
There are two kinds of cheaters:
1. The circumstance-driven cheater
2. The serial cheater
There are distinct differences in both types. The circumstance-driven cheater is not someone who actively seeks to have sex with others. Regardless of whether they have a high sex drive, crave intimacy, feel sexually deprived, these people deny multiple opportunities for sexual encounters that present themselves. Perhaps their partner is physically incapable of sex, or have bad mental health.They have done everything they can think of to save their relationship. It takes many months or years for them to give in and they are typically aware of being in the wrong and they experience guilt, no matter how faint or heavy it is. These people do not look for sex from many people. They typically focus on just one person for a longer period of time than the serial cheater. In general they respect the person they are now having sex with, instead of seeing them just as a cock or pussy. Their desire for sex often comes with a desire for emotional intimacy, which their current relationship now lacks.
The serial cheater is the opposite of all the above. They have no regard for others and seek to find their pleasure first and foremost. They believe they are entitled to sex and if they aren't receiving it or not receiving it to the degree they want it in the current relationship, then in their mind they are excused. After all, their needs come before everyone else and their focus is on fucking and orgasming. Emotional intimacy is a far second. A serial cheater takes many partners, whether simultaneously or in a string, and they feel no remorse.
Whichever type of cheater a person is, the fact of the matter is : cheating is cheating, whatever the shape or form it takes. What determines it as being "wrong" or not, depends on the context that a relationship was founded upon. If a couple established that they expect fidelity until the end of the relationship, then in that case, it's clear. One partner cheating on the other for whatever reason, is in the wrong. If a couple decided that they are in an open relationship, don't care if the other has sex outside of that relationship, then there is no cheating. No wrong has been committed.
Now, coming back to the two kinds of cheaters - assuming both types are in a relationship where fidelity is expected on both sides - then the one who cheats because of their circumstances can be understood (Type 1 that I outlined above). The desire for companionship, an all encompassing companionship that feeds their emotions and bodies, is what human beings seek and need. Does that mean it isn't cheating? No, it still is cheating. Does that mean they are bad people? No, it doesn't. Can we understand why that's happening? Yes, easily. Should they be forgiven? That's not up to anyone to decide, only up to their partner should that person discover it or be told about it. As for the serial cheater, yes they are definitely in the wrong. This person has not bothered to save their relationship, all they want is sex.
