Jokes

[jayamal]

Q: Why do men fart louder than women? A: because they have a microphone and two speakers.

 

[jayamal]

Q: Who is the most skillful goal keeper in the world? A: All women; they never allow any ball enters.

 

[TallulahBlue]

GIRLFRIEND: What is your secret fantasy?

ME: Well, I have this one. It involves your mother.

GF: What? That's disgusting! .

ME: No, not that. In this fantasy I just like to imagine that she actually taught you how to cook.

*Inspired by true events. I sleep on the couch a lot.

 

[TallulahBlue]

EMPLOYER: Do you want to sign up for a 401K?

ME: No thank you, I'm pretty out of shape.

 

[Heather]

Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same.

The third guy says: ‘I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.’

 

[TallulahBlue]

(me at a crime scene on my first day as a detective with my British partner)

PARTNER: Okay, we have a dead body here. What do you suspect?

ME: Hmm. Let's see ... there are four dots in his neck, I think it's obvious. He was killed by two vampires.

P: Wha...? No, look around. Don't you see the bloody fork right next to the body?

M: With all due respect sir, this is no bloody time to be thinking about eating.

 

[jayamal]

Always start your day with a lot of... S E X
S - SMILE
E - ENERGY
X - XCITEMENT
so make S E X a daily habit, and youll always B SUCC SEX FUL! in LIFE.

 

[jayamal]

After engagement
Girl: Now stop looking at girls, u r committed now.
Boy: What do u mean, if I m on diet, that doesn`t mean that I can`t look at Menu.

 

[jayamal]

Wives r incoming calls,
Lovers r outgoing calls,
Aunties r Toll-free calls,
Callgirls r Roaming calls,
Neighbour girls r Missed Calls.

 

[jayamal]

A General asks a young lady officer,
how she felt in Services?
Lady: Very fine, whole day passes in saying Yes Sir, Yes Sir
& the whole night in No Sir, No Sir!

 

[jayamal]

Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?
Boy: This depends on your husband, if he allows me.

 

[jayamal]

School teacher: What do you call a man who doesn’t use CONDOMS . . . ?

All students simultenously shouted . .

…DADDY..
Daddy.. Daddy :-D

 

[jayamal]

Medical Science says

tight clothing stops circulation

bt the truth is

tighter a woman’s clothing,

more the circulation in man’s body! ;->

 

[jayamal]

Relation Between Men

&Women As On Now Days :-

You Can Touch Each Other

But You Cannot

Touch Each Other?s Mobiles . . !

 

[jayamal]

A Toilet is like a committee meeting. People come with lot of pressure, sit, create a lot of noise, and ultimately drop the matter.

 

[jayamal]

Classic example to prove Gals r Selfish

When i was a child so many Gals Wanted to Kiss me

I Allowed

Now i want to Kiss so many Gals but no one Allows

 

[jayamal]

We all love to spend lots of money for buying new clothes
but honestly
Did we ever realized that the best times we enjoy is the time we spend without clothes!!

 

[CrystalMarker]

 

[TallulahBlue]

View attachment 15259

LOL love it!

 

[TallulahBlue]

(sees neighbors bringing in KFC)

ME: *knocks on door, sobbing*

NEIGHBOR: Hello ... What's wrong, Kelsey?

ME: *stops sobbing* Actually, it's Kacey. Kelsey is the hotter one. *resumes sobbing* Have you seen my cat, Bojangles? I can't find him anywhere...

NEIGHBOR: No Kelsey, but if there's anything we can.....

ME (looking around them): Oh, I see you have KFC.

MUFFLED VOICE INSIDE MY COAT: meow ... meooow