Jokes
- Thread starter Mabal
- Start date
TallulahBlue
Resident
(in the emergency room)
DOCTOR: You're going to be fine.
ME: So it was all just a dream?
DOCTOR: No, somehow your heart actually did turn into a peach cobbler, but your body seems to be accepting it.
DOCTOR: You're going to be fine.
ME: So it was all just a dream?
DOCTOR: No, somehow your heart actually did turn into a peach cobbler, but your body seems to be accepting it.
D
Deleted member 178467
Guest
So the Teacher rounds up the English lesson asking for a sentence using the word ‘TIMBUKTU’. Well of course Johnny's hand goes straight up. Teacher ignores him, she been caught out by him too often.
No one manages a sentence using the word correctly.
Finally resigned to fate, Teacher says "come on Johnny what’s your sentence?"
Johnny related as follows:-
"Tim and I a hunting went
we saw three maidens in a tent
As they were three and we were two
I bucked one and Tim bucked two "
No one manages a sentence using the word correctly.
Finally resigned to fate, Teacher says "come on Johnny what’s your sentence?"
Johnny related as follows:-
"Tim and I a hunting went
we saw three maidens in a tent
As they were three and we were two
I bucked one and Tim bucked two "
D
Deleted member 178467
Guest
Donald Rudeman is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.
A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.
Later, the secret service agent’s supervisor takes him aside and asks, “What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?”
Blushing, the agent replies, “Sir, I got nervous. I meant to shout “Donald, duck!”
A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.
Later, the secret service agent’s supervisor takes him aside and asks, “What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?”
Blushing, the agent replies, “Sir, I got nervous. I meant to shout “Donald, duck!”
D
Deleted member 178467
Guest
My girlfriend said what would really be a nice birthday surprise was if I got her something to run around in.
So I bought her a tracksuit
So I bought her a tracksuit
D
Deleted member 178467
Guest
After my prostate examination the doctor left, then the nurse came in & whispered 3 words that no man wants to hear "who was that?"
D
Deleted member 178467
Guest
TallulahBlue
Resident
FIRST DATE: So what do you do?
ME: I tell jokes on Twitter and other social media.
DATE: No, I mean, what do you do to support yourself?
ME: I just give myself a pep talk and tell myself that they're really good jokes.
DATE: No, I mean how do you make money.
ME: LOL
DATE:
ME: No, I will not be able to pay for any of this, if that is what you're asking.
ME: I tell jokes on Twitter and other social media.
DATE: No, I mean, what do you do to support yourself?
ME: I just give myself a pep talk and tell myself that they're really good jokes.
DATE: No, I mean how do you make money.
ME: LOL
DATE:
ME: No, I will not be able to pay for any of this, if that is what you're asking.
My take on it and trust me when I say, I am far from a relationship expert.
If was 'into' someone, the thought of taking a break would never enter my thinking.
fwtw
Ls x
TallulahBlue
Resident
ME: Yes, I would like to apply for a job as a contortionist.
RECEPTIONIST AT CONTORTIONISTS-R-US: Great, when can you come in for an interview?
M: It doesn't matter when you schedule it... *starts giggling* ...because I'm flexible! hahaha
R: You just came in here to tell that joke, didn't you? You aren't even a contortionist, I bet.
M: *resumes eating my loaded nachos as I leave*
RECEPTIONIST AT CONTORTIONISTS-R-US: Great, when can you come in for an interview?
M: It doesn't matter when you schedule it... *starts giggling* ...because I'm flexible! hahaha
R: You just came in here to tell that joke, didn't you? You aren't even a contortionist, I bet.
M: *resumes eating my loaded nachos as I leave*
TallulahBlue
Resident
ME: *tells joke*
COWORKER: Wow, that was funny in middle school.
[later]
ME (at a local middle school): So, have y'all heard the one about the.....
COWORKER: Wow, that was funny in middle school.
[later]
ME (at a local middle school): So, have y'all heard the one about the.....
