Jokes

FLAWLESS MALE LOGIC
WOMAN: "Do you drink beer?"
MAN: "Yes".
WOMAN: "How many beers a day?"
MAN: "Usually about three".
WOMAN: "How much do you pay per beer?"
MAN: "$5.00 which includes a tip".
WOMAN: "And how long have you been drinking?"
MAN: "About 20 years, I suppose".
WOMAN: "So a beer costs $5 and you have three beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, that would be approximately $5400, correct?"
MAN: "Sounds Correct".
WOMAN: "If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, over the past 20 years puts your spending at about $108,000, correct?"
MAN: "Again, sounds about right".
WOMAN: "Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought an airplane?"
MAN: "Could be true. Do you drink beer?"
WOMAN: "No".
MAN: "Where is your airplane?"
WOMAN:...

Ls x

Ls x
 
Lakeside said:
FLAWLESS MALE LOGIC
WOMAN: "Do you drink beer?"
MAN: "Yes".
WOMAN: "How many beers a day?"
MAN: "Usually about three".
WOMAN: "How much do you pay per beer?"
MAN: "$5.00 which includes a tip".
WOMAN: "And how long have you been drinking?"
MAN: "About 20 years, I suppose".
WOMAN: "So a beer costs $5 and you have three beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, that would be approximately $5400, correct?"
MAN: "Sounds Correct".
WOMAN: "If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, over the past 20 years puts your spending at about $108,000, correct?"
MAN: "Again, sounds about right".
WOMAN: "Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought an airplane?"
MAN: "Could be true. Do you drink beer?"
WOMAN: "No".
MAN: "Where is your airplane?"
WOMAN:...

Ls x

Ls x
Click to expand...

Lol this cracked me up ROFL;)
 
Lakeside said:
@TallulahBlue

View attachment 44076

Ls x
Click to expand...
Ginger-Kind-Derogatory-Term.gif
 
A blind cowboy taps his way over to a bar stool with his white cane, sits down and asks the bartender for a shot of Jack Daniels.
He sits there for a while, then calls out to the bartender. "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
At that point the entire bar falls deadly silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says "Before you tell that joke, cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind,
that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a club.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in Karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
"Now, think about it seriously, cowboy... do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times".

Ls x
 
Lakeside said:
A blind cowboy taps his way over to a bar stool with his white cane, sits down and asks the bartender for a shot of Jack Daniels.
He sits there for a while, then calls out to the bartender. "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
At that point the entire bar falls deadly silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says "Before you tell that joke, cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind,
that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a club.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in Karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
"Now, think about it seriously, cowboy... do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times".

Ls x
Click to expand...

Lmao.
That's definitely getting retold down the pub.
 
(on a blind date)

HIM: More than anything, I just want a stable relationship.

ME: Yeah, horses are cool.

HIM:

ME: Sometimes I say things without thinking.

HIM: Okay, umm, okay... Anyway, as I was saying, my dream is to find someone who provides stability...

ME: My dream is to have a pool in my back yard, but have it filled with spaghetti sauce instead of water.

HIM: *jumps out window*
 
I went to my nearby pharmacy, straight to the back, where the Pharmacists' high counter is located.

I took out my little brown bottle, along with a teaspoon, and set them up on the counter.

The Pharmacist came over, smiled, and asked if he could help me.

I said "Yes! Could you please taste this for me?"

Seeing my sweet and innocent face, the Pharmacist went along.

He took the spoon, put a tiny bit of the liquid on it, put it on his tongue and swilled it around.

Then, with a stomach-churning look on his face, he spat it out on the floor and began coughing.

When he was finally finished, I looked him right in the eye and asked "Now, does that taste sweet to you?"

The Pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled "HELL NO!!!"

I said "Oh, thank God! That's a real relief!

My doctor told me to have a Pharmacist test my urine for sugar!"

I am not allowed to go back to that pharmacy, but I really don't care, because they aren't very friendly there anyway.

Ls x
 
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top