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Jokes
- Thread starter Mabal
- Start date
What do a gynecologist and a pizza deliver have in common? They both smell it but are not allowed to taste it
Clearly whoever came up with this has never been with an Asian woman ha
TallulahBlue
Resident
BOSS: Kacey, I'm sorry but it isn't working out. We're going to have to let you go.
ME: Well, shit. That sucks. But I understand. Thanks, Chief.
*turns in my gun and my badge*
B: Wait, what? You're a waitress, where did you get those?
ME: Well, shit. That sucks. But I understand. Thanks, Chief.
*turns in my gun and my badge*
B: Wait, what? You're a waitress, where did you get those?
A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before the problems start!"
He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, "Give me a beer before the problems start!"
The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man "When are you going to pay for these beers?"
The man answers, "Now the problems start!"
He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, "Give me a beer before the problems start!"
The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man "When are you going to pay for these beers?"
The man answers, "Now the problems start!"
TallulahBlue
Resident
If you get a tattoo with words and there is a misspelling, just get a red squiggly line added underneath it and everything will be cool.
TallulahBlue
Resident
[me as a babysitter, probably]
ME (calling the parents): Yeah, we have a problem. I picked up your son from school like you said, but he kept screaming and I had to drag him home and he's still screaming.
PARENTS: What? We don't have a son! You were supposed to pick up our daughter and watch her!!
ME: Oh, fuck. So, um, in that case we have two problems...
ME (calling the parents): Yeah, we have a problem. I picked up your son from school like you said, but he kept screaming and I had to drag him home and he's still screaming.
PARENTS: What? We don't have a son! You were supposed to pick up our daughter and watch her!!
ME: Oh, fuck. So, um, in that case we have two problems...
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Deleted member 178467
Guest
Still laughing 10 mins later
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Deleted member 178467
Guest
A man walks into the front door of a pub. He is obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the barman for a drink. The barman refuses to serve him stating he's already had far too much to drink but offers to call him a taxi. The drunk is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool and staggers out the front door.
Two minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the SIDE door of the pub and wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The barman again politely but more firmly, refuses service to the man due to his inebriation, and again offers to call a taxi. The drunk looks at the barman for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
Five minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the BACK door of the pub, plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits and belligerently orders a drink. The barman comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will not be be served any drinks, and either a taxi the police will be called immediately.
The surprised drunk looks at the barman, and in hopeless anguish, cries "Man! How many pubs do you work at?"
Two minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the SIDE door of the pub and wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The barman again politely but more firmly, refuses service to the man due to his inebriation, and again offers to call a taxi. The drunk looks at the barman for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
Five minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the BACK door of the pub, plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits and belligerently orders a drink. The barman comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will not be be served any drinks, and either a taxi the police will be called immediately.
The surprised drunk looks at the barman, and in hopeless anguish, cries "Man! How many pubs do you work at?"
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Deleted member 178467
Guest
A Nigerian Prince has died & left his millions to a cat.
He tried to give away his fortune for years, but no one ever responded to his emails
He tried to give away his fortune for years, but no one ever responded to his emails
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Deleted member 178467
Guest
I got so drunk last night I started a fight with a mop.
To be fair I wiped the floor with him.
To be fair I wiped the floor with him.