Jokes

Given a high position in the company, which floor would you prefer to be and what position? Standing up or sitting down?
 
JULIET: Wherefore art thou Romeo.

ROMEO: I'm literally right here. Standing right next to you.

JULIET: No Romeo, wherefore means "why."

ROMEO: Then just say "why!" You always do this, Juliet. It's easier just to say "why." This ... this is why my family can't fucking stand you.
 
ME: As I hit important milestones in my life, sometimes I feel so alone. But then I remember that my dad is always looking down on me.

THERAPIST: Oh, Kacey. That's sweet. I didn't realize your father had passed away.

ME: He didn't. He's just really condescending.
 
THERAPIST: Kacey, you seem more stressed than usual.

ME (chewing fingernails): Yes, I am I guess. I missed my monthly payment to my exorcist.

T: Okay, wel..... wait a minute, you have an exorcist? To whom you make monthly payments??

M: Yes and I missed the payment this month. I'm afraid that any day now I will be repossessed.
 
ME: I don't know, I blame both parents I guess. I mean they had to see the signs, right? Shouldn't they have gotten help for me before now? But I guess you're right. Better late than never. I will continue to work through it and be better for it in the end. Thank you.

KFC WORKER: Um, yeah I don't know anything about all that, I'm just supposed to take your order.

ME:

KFC:

ME: Two buckets of chicken please...
 
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