Jokes

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs.....

On your doorstep? Mat

In a hole? Phil

On the beach? Sandy

On the wall? Art

In the water? Bob

At school? Jim (Gym)

In your mailbox? Bill
 
An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes and spread her legs. The dentist said, ''I think you have the wrong room.''
''You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."
I'm stealing this one!
 
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
LMFAO!
 
DOCTOR: Why are we seeing you today?

ME: My stomach isn't agreeing with me.

MY STOMACH: I'm tellin' ya Kacey, Dakota Johnson is overrated. Deal with it.

ME: Shut the fuck up stomach, she's a good actress!

D:

M:

D: You should listen to your stomach.
 
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