Thoughts Post your little thoughts.

Lately this is has been me.. I'm exhausted and struggling so much lately.. I try to be positive mostly but other times I just can't be strong 24/7
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I just saw a photo from a junior high school assembly (circa 1972) posted on social media, and found myself in it, nervously sitting next to the girl I had a crush on. I don't recall ever seeing that photo before, but turns out it was the girl that posted the memory, and found out from her just today that she had a crush on me back then too. Ah, if only we weren't so introverted and shy, how things could have been.
 
PSA: In this post I mention intrusive thoughts, self-harm, and suicidal ideation. If any of that makes you uncomfortable, please don't read ahead : )

For the years I've been alive, I've always been a happy-go-lucky, active person. Though, since 2019, I've been struggling an intense amount, been in and out of hospitals/residentials to try and get better, yet, nothing seems to work. I've worked on CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy), in which none of the skills/concept taught in them have worked... at least for me. I've always thought the best therapy is others around you/yourself, but lately I can't grasp that concept, or any therapeutical concept, for that matter. I've learned to educate myself (and the people around me) about therapy and getting help, even though I am not in the right head-space most of the time. Intrusive thoughts are terrible, and doing damage to myself physically and emotionally helps nothing, even though I might think it does in the moment. Just incase your reading this and don't know what intrusive thoughts are, the best way I like to explain it (in my own words), is they're a bitch. Simply that. They take over your mind, make you think of terrible things, and don't do you any good, yet harm. Lately, though, I've realized the people around me greatly impact my mood, in a way. This year I was diagnosed (not at the same time) with Major Depression, Anxiety, B.E.D, and B.P.D. It sucks. It really does. Extremely long story short: Share your experiences, don't let people control you. Your diagnoses don't define you, whether they are physical or emotional; reach out for help if needed, and always remember I'm only a forum text away. You all are gorgeous human beings. Don't let intrusive thoughts control you.
 
Well done Soph.
It's so hard to open up about yourself sometimes, even harder to hear what people say to it, without thinking they're mocking you in some way.
I'm not articulate with my feelings even to those that are close to me, comes with the ASD I guess.
Idk what I'm getting it. So I'll just say, if someone asks for help. Help. If you need help. Ask.
 
SubSoph said:
PSA: In this post I mention intrusive thoughts, self-harm, and suicidal ideation. If any of that makes you uncomfortable, please don't read ahead : )

For the years I've been alive, I've always been a happy-go-lucky, active person. Though, since 2019, I've been struggling an intense amount, been in and out of hospitals/residentials to try and get better, yet, nothing seems to work. I've worked on CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy), in which none of the skills/concept taught in them have worked... at least for me. I've always thought the best therapy is others around you/yourself, but lately I can't grasp that concept, or any therapeutical concept, for that matter. I've learned to educate myself (and the people around me) about therapy and getting help, even though I am not in the right head-space most of the time. Intrusive thoughts are terrible, and doing damage to myself physically and emotionally helps nothing, even though I might think it does in the moment. Just incase your reading this and don't know what intrusive thoughts are, the best way I like to explain it (in my own words), is they're a bitch. Simply that. They take over your mind, make you think of terrible things, and don't do you any good, yet harm. Lately, though, I've realized the people around me greatly impact my mood, in a way. This year I was diagnosed (not at the same time) with Major Depression, Anxiety, B.E.D, and B.P.D. It sucks. It really does. Extremely long story short: Share your experiences, don't let people control you. Your diagnoses don't define you, whether they are physical or emotional; reach out for help if needed, and always remember I'm only a forum text away. You all are gorgeous human beings. Don't let intrusive thoughts control you.
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Thank you for sharing this intimate and personal part of who you are. I think it's awesome of you and I will always wish the best for you on this journey. I do struggle talking about my issues. Most just think I have extreme mood swings and always crabby. But I don't try to clarify anymore cause they don't listen. I have children that are my everything, disappointing them has so far won over those intrusive thoughts and the deep dark lows. I have went as far as planning how, writing letters for everyone, getting info to donate my body- as I didn't deserve a service or anything of the nature, and hiding items to assist the process. I knew where I wanted to do it so I wouldn't be at home. When I finally opened up to my husband about all this, he first looked concerned and shocked, then he told me that I was stupid, selfish, and if I would just take my medicine I would be fine. My medication at the time took away all emotions but happiness. I didn't get upset about anything. I knew it was wrong but that's how he wants me- happy, compliant, agreeable. He has a big impact on my mental self so I vowed to myself that I won't take any meds until he can acknowledge who I am, that he wants to be a positive influence and that this is part of me. And honestly I have talked about it more here than I have with anyone in my life. I have come to the conclusion I'm a basket case and I'm not judged for it.
 
AB1978 said:
Thank you for sharing this intimate and personal part of who you are. I think it's awesome of you and I will always wish the best for you on this journey. I do struggle talking about my issues. Most just think I have extreme mood swings and always crabby. But I don't try to clarify anymore cause they don't listen. I have children that are my everything, disappointing them has so far won over those intrusive thoughts and the deep dark lows. I have went as far as planning how, writing letters for everyone, getting info to donate my body- as I didn't deserve a service or anything of the nature, and hiding items to assist the process. I knew where I wanted to do it so I wouldn't be at home. When I finally opened up to my husband about all this, he first looked concerned and shocked, then he told me that I was stupid, selfish, and if I would just take my medicine I would be fine. My medication at the time took away all emotions but happiness. I didn't get upset about anything. I knew it was wrong but that's how he wants me- happy, compliant, agreeable. He has a big impact on my mental self so I vowed to myself that I won't take any meds until he can acknowledge who I am, that he wants to be a positive influence and that this is part of me. And honestly I have talked about it more here than I have with anyone in my life. I have come to the conclusion I'm a basket case and I'm not judged for it.
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Big hugs to you ❤ Here's a secret: we're all basket cases.
 
New employee started yesterday and her name is Lilly :eek::cool: I'm so excited lol I kind of want to do things to her... I mean, maybe not. She's really cute :p

Also, why am I such a flirt?! It's not even a sexual thing. I flirt with everyone, regardless of gender or age (excluding anyone under early 20s usually). I'm loving my new job because it's continuous social interaction which I haven't had for over 2 years. My favorite is when the really hot guys come through the drive through :cool:
 
@SubSoph and @AB1978 , thank you for sharing. Mental health is an area which has been looked down on and not discussed enough for far too long. I can't understand or imagine what either of you go through and no one can. It's how you feel and no matter what, no other person can understand your feelings. What I can offer is if you ever want to talk or vent, I'm here! Well usually I'm here because sometimes I do take breaks. Virtual hugs to the both of you!
 
The longer I am in FCN and talk to people around the world I discover more and more every day how my outlook on life is different from the people of first world countries it's just a fact that circumstances are different the measure of good and bad is different the value of money is different our definition of crime is different and many more things are just different...
 
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