Thoughts Post your little thoughts.

Holdontight said:
The little thoughts? Sometimes I come onto sites like this because I'm begging just to feel seen and find some form of connection, but see that everyone already has a banter going and instead feel like I'm outside of a circle. I try and find the way into the circle, but being outside and new, all you can see is that the circle is a scarred defense against new people that have caused pain in the past.

It makes sense if that is the case. I'll be me and maybe someone will see and I'll learn the social key. I really wish I just didn't have the need for people to see me.
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You are seen. Spend more time in the threads have fun.
 
LillyK99 said:
More thoughts by Lilly... I'm extroverted af but I also like my quiet time. I hate that I'm so easily irritated sometimes when I get home from work and my kids need me... but my anxiety spikes because they won't leave me alone. I wish I could be a zen mom and want to sit down, color, and watch movies with them today. I'm taking a nap instead. Maybe.
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Hugs. Tight. You are doing so well. You have worked so hard. You my dear are amazing smart sexy. You’ve got this.
 
SubSoph said:
PSA: In this post I mention intrusive thoughts, self-harm, and suicidal ideation. If any of that makes you uncomfortable, please don't read ahead : )

For the years I've been alive, I've always been a happy-go-lucky, active person. Though, since 2019, I've been struggling an intense amount, been in and out of hospitals/residentials to try and get better, yet, nothing seems to work. I've worked on CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy), in which none of the skills/concept taught in them have worked... at least for me. I've always thought the best therapy is others around you/yourself, but lately I can't grasp that concept, or any therapeutical concept, for that matter. I've learned to educate myself (and the people around me) about therapy and getting help, even though I am not in the right head-space most of the time. Intrusive thoughts are terrible, and doing damage to myself physically and emotionally helps nothing, even though I might think it does in the moment. Just incase your reading this and don't know what intrusive thoughts are, the best way I like to explain it (in my own words), is they're a bitch. Simply that. They take over your mind, make you think of terrible things, and don't do you any good, yet harm. Lately, though, I've realized the people around me greatly impact my mood, in a way. This year I was diagnosed (not at the same time) with Major Depression, Anxiety, B.E.D, and B.P.D. It sucks. It really does. Extremely long story short: Share your experiences, don't let people control you. Your diagnoses don't define you, whether they are physical or emotional; reach out for help if needed, and always remember I'm only a forum text away. You all are gorgeous human beings. Don't let intrusive thoughts control you.
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Thank you for sharing your experience. Hugs. What a huge amount to cope with. Sending positive energy. The more people share about mental
Health issues/ diagnosis or minor episodes the more accepted they become… the more help people get.
Thank you for sharing.
 
Holdontight said:
The little thoughts? Sometimes I come onto sites like this because I'm begging just to feel seen and find some form of connection, but see that everyone already has a banter going and instead feel like I'm outside of a circle. I try and find the way into the circle, but being outside and new, all you can see is that the circle is a scarred defense against new people that have caused pain in the past.

It makes sense if that is the case. I'll be me and maybe someone will see and I'll learn the social key. I really wish I just didn't have the need for people to see me.
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You're still a newbie. Keep participating in threads. Start up a banter while you're responding in threads. A lot of new people go through this. In time, you'll find the group of people who you'll enjoy hanging out with. Cliques are inevitable. It's justthe way human beings work, the way social connections work. And yes, many regulars have had bad experiences and don't want to repeat those mistakes, making it that it takes a while to warm up to new people. However, that's not across the spectrum.

By writing this post, you've been noticed and I expect you'll have more interactions as a result. Threads like this allow people to know you better and that's a good thing. People can relate to you, find similarities, be curious about differences.

Hang in there, mate. You seem like a nice guy, you'll integrate soon enough.
 
Fallenangellexi said:
Last night was hard. Today is going to be harder. There are days i want to finish. In my head I’m ready to fly. Last night I was ready. But leaving people behind. The few that do love me. Well that scares me. The fear of leaving them is greater then my need to feel free. Free from my physical pain. Free from my mental pain. So today I woke up. I’m breathing. It’s a different free then what I wanted, a better free.
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I'm glad you're still here.

Don't do it. Never do it. You'll regret it in those last moments and then it will be too late, irreversible.

I've been at the edge. It's lonely. It hurts so much. The thoughts take over your entire mind, clouding it, burdening it. The weight is too much. Crying doesn't help. It's suffocating. The darkness closing in, never letting go. The mental chaos unbearable. Dying inside. Pretending to be fine. Smiling when you want to ball up, be alone, give up. Nothing seems to help. Nobody can help. There seems to be no way out, except for what stares at us in the face, presenting itself as the best option. It's a lie. It isn't the way. It really really isn't.

I couldn't tell anyone. It was embarrassing. It was weak. I hadn't been raised to be weak. I never told anyone. I couldn't, wouldn't let anyone in to share this madness. It would have made no difference.

I am a coward with it comes to pain. I could never have gone through with it. I could tell you about so many ways to go over that edge, and I know you know what I mean. It's so selfish and I'm not a selfish person. I want to make them happy. I want my people to be the one who brings them happiness. It would have permanently broken, forever destroyed the daily lives of the people who love me. I couldn't bear being responsible for such everlasting pain. I have no doubt my parents would have passed from the heartbreak. They would have blamed themselves.

That's not the legacy you want to leave. You are more than this. You'll always be more than this. As my dad says "Dominate the pain. Don't let it dominate you."

Don't ever let it take you over. Ever. You're much stronger than this even if it doesn't feel like that at that moment. Make the promise to yourself, for the sake of all those you love -- not for you, but completely just for them. Fake it till you make it. I refuse to go back to that time, to that place. Don't you dare either.

BTW - this post is for everyone who is going through this. Don't stay silent. Tell someone.
 
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This song I always love sharing it for anyone who is dealing with a lot of shit and depression etc because I feel at times when I'm at my lowest etc that the ones I love are singing this song to me and it helps and keeps me going for them. ❤

So I'll leave this song so for anyone who needs it can listen to the words and help bring them some comfort. ❤

The song is a plea to fight for your life, to stay, and that we all need each other as humans. ❤

 
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Thalassa said:
I'm glad you're still here.

Don't do it. Never do it. You'll regret it in those last moments and then it will be too late, irreversible.

I've been at the edge. It's lonely. It hurts so much. The thoughts take over your entire mind, clouding it, burdening it. The weight is so much. Crying doesn't help. Nothing seems to help. Nobody can help. There seems to be no way out, except for what stares at us in the face, presenting itself as the best option. It's a lie. It isn't. It really really isn't.

I am a coward with it comes to pain. I could never have gone through it. I could tell you about so many ways to go over that edge, and I know you know what I mean. It's so selfish and I'm not a selfish person. I want my people to be the one who brings them happiness. I want to make them happy. It would have permanently broken, forever destroyed the daily lives of the people who love me. I couldn't bear being responsible for such everlasting pain. I have no doubt my parents would have passed from the heartbreak. They would have blamed themselves.

That's not the legacy you want to leave. You are more than this. You'll always be more than this. As my dad says "Dominate the pain. Don't let it dominate you."

Don't ever let it take you over. Ever. You're much stronger than this even if it doesn't feel like that at that moment. Make the promise to yourself, for the sake of all those you love -- not for you, but completely just for them. Fake it till you make it. I refuse to go back to that time, to that place. Don't you dare either.
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First you play with my nips then make me cry. Dude wtf…

Thank you. I know what you mean. It’s so fucking hard some days. I appreciate you. Your love and support. Your honesty and ass kicking. My little humans deserve a mum. Some days it’s hard to be that. But I know they need me. And they deserve me. I chose to give them life. I need to raise them.
Hugs you tight.
 
Fallenangellexi said:
First you play with my nips then make me cry. Dude wtf…

Thank you. I know what you mean. It’s so fucking hard some days. I appreciate you. Your love and support. Your honesty and ass kicking. My little humans deserve a mum. Some days it’s hard to be that. But I know they need me. And they deserve me. I chose to give them life. I need to raise them.
Hugs you tight.
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Don't worry, I fucking cried too. It took me back to those years. It wasn't days or months. Years. Fucking years. Never again.

They care more about you being there than being a perfect mom. They love unconditionally. Mothers are everything to their children. You are their world.
 
Fallenangellexi said:
First you play with my nips then make me cry. Dude wtf…

Thank you. I know what you mean. It’s so fucking hard some days. I appreciate you. Your love and support. Your honesty and ass kicking. My little humans deserve a mum. Some days it’s hard to be that. But I know they need me. And they deserve me. I chose to give them life. I need to raise them.
Hugs you tight.
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Thalassa said:
Don't worry, I fucking cried too. It took me back to those years. It wasn't days or months. Years. Fucking years. Never again.
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Hug you both ❤
 
Thalassa said:
Don't worry, I fucking cried too. It took me back to those years. It wasn't days or months. Years. Fucking years. Never again.
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I’m sorry for triggering memories. But thank you so much. Truly. Knowing that others suffer knowing that others are there makes each day better. Not because anyone deserve to suffer. But we all deserve to feel not alone

I’m surrounding myself with positive energy only. It’s not so easy but I’m trying.

now if we can stop crying fcuker and back to nips cause I like deflection
 
Fallenangellexi said:
I’m sorry for triggering memories. But thank you so much. Truly. Knowing that others suffer knowing that others are there makes each day better. Not because anyone deserve to suffer. But we all deserve to feel not alone

I’m surrounding myself with positive energy only. It’s not so easy but I’m trying.

now if we can stop crying fcuker and back to nips cause I like deflection
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It's fine. I'm a different person now. I know it matters to others that things like this are shared. It makes a difference to others. So I'll talk about it. I have no shame about it anymore. No one should go through this alone.

Also, I edited the previous post. Go read the 2nd paragraph.
 
RNEXGR01OqI
In order to empathise with someone's experience you must be willing to believe them as they see it and not how you imagine their experience to be ♡♡

@laceyunderalls @Fallenangellexi @SweetLesGirl @Thalassa @Sakura357 @SubSoph @superdude97 @AB1978 @stonedBBW @OnyxStorm @LillyK99 @Holdontight and anyone I may have missed, I didnt read too far back.

You've got this!
 
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