Thoughts Post your little thoughts.

HellinHeels said:
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FCN is a place full of stories. Every one has one, and most people don’t know a person’s story, even though they sit in judgement on a person. I have walked alongside you in this long journey as a friend.

There is a saying, there is your side of the story, there their side of the story, and then there is the truth. But all you have to go on to find your own peace of mind is what you see as the truth. It is true for everyone. The only cure is conversation and knowing a person. That works in real life better than in FCN. Here, people spend more time talking about others, rather than talking to them.

What I know about your story, my lady, is that if anyone else went through what you have been through, I sincerely doubt many others would handle it better. My grandfather used to say that you should not judge a person until they walk a mile in your shoes. Most don’t know about what you have experienced, or don’t grasp the extent to which you have been hurt and your life has been affected. Further, some who you have considered a friend have abandoned you as a friend, put expectations on how they think you should have handled it differently. Some have accused you of being two faced, only because you have tried to put the hurt behind you and move on, and found it a struggle.

Sometimes you can’t win with people. They have formed an opinion of you and then look at everything you do after that through the lens of how they have decided to see you. And the truth is that when people do that, you truly can’t win. But I see people on here almost daily, complaining about what someone did to them, while they criticize you for cutting people off after they shit on you. I also see others do exactly what they accuse you of. Truth does not always apply when doing self-examination.

You don’t have to explain anything to anyone who will not listen. And what is the point?

All I know is that a real friend assumes the best of a friend. To be so quick to attack or assume the worst, it is not the act of a friend. So when that happens, you have to move on. You have not really lost anything.

One thing I would add. A real friend feels the hurts of a friend. Doing this requires understanding the extent to which a friend is hurting.
 
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TheDudeAbides89 said:
FCN is a place full of stories. Every one has one, and most people don’t know a person’s story, even though they sit in judgement on a person. I have walked alongside you in this long journey as a friend.

There is a saying, there is your side of the story, there their side of the story, and then there is the truth. But all you have to go on to find your own peace of mind is what you see as the truth. It is true for everyone. The only cure is conversation and knowing a person. That works in real life better than in FCN. Here, people spend more time talking about others, rather than talking to them.

What I know about your story, my lady, is that if anyone else went through what you have been through, I sincerely doubt many others would handle it better. My grandfather used to say that you should not judge a person until they walk a mile in your shoes. Most don’t know about what you have experienced, or don’t grasp the extent to which you have been hurt and your life has been affected. Further, some who you have considered a friend have abandoned you as a friend, put expectations on how they think you should have handled it differently. Some have accused you of being two faced, only because you have tried to put the hurt behind you and move on, and found it a struggle.

Sometimes you can’t win with people. They have formed an opinion of you and then look at everything you do after that through the lens of how they have decided to see you. And the truth is that when people do that, you truly can’t win. But I see people on here almost daily, complaining about what someone did to them, while they criticize you for cutting people off after they shit on you. I also see others do exactly what they accuse you of. Truth does not always apply when doing self-examination.

You don’t have to explain anything to anyone who will not listen. And what is the point?

All I know is that a real friend assumes the best of a friend. To be so quick to attack or assume the worst, it is not the act of a friend. So when that happens, you have to move on. You have not really lost anything.
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hearts-friend.gif


Love you long time! ♥︎
 
J0DIE said:
Silence sucks
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True! Honestly though, that's where the true growth comes from. No matter the circumstance, silence sucks, but we learn from that silence...even if in the moment it does not feel like it! The time will come where things get clearer or even louder, and then true relations can take place in a better headspace. Especially silence from another person, it will show two things: If they don't say anything, they don't care. If they come back, they do. There are those people who come back after a long time, and those people have their reasons I'm sure, but silence can be so loud. Learning from it is best, even if in the moment it just feels numb.
 
brunette_ said:
Stooop turning conversations around to be all about you. Especially if a person is clearly going through some stuff and trying to open up to you. It's not a great idea to turn everything around to be all about you.
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I am certain this is about me. Ha!

This is a very good statement. A couple of observations:

First, to do this can be ego trip. Of course it is about me, everything is. I am viewing too much of life through a defensive lens because I am so focused on myself.

But also, many assume others are doing to them what they do to others. Many behaviors are assumed on others that I consider a norm.

This is more related to how people assume a post is about them, of course, but same thing. The bottom line is that it is the inability to have sympathy and empathy, and the tendency to take things personally, assuming it has to be about you.

If being passive aggressive is what I do, I assume others will do it too.
 
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CySoph said:
True! Honestly though, that's where the true growth comes from. No matter the circumstance, silence sucks, but we learn from that silence...even if in the moment it does not feel like it! The time will come where things get clearer or even louder, and then true relations can take place in a better headspace. Especially silence from another person, it will show two things: If they don't say anything, they don't care. If they come back, they do. There are those people who come back after a long time, and those people have their reasons I'm sure, but silence can be so loud. Learning from it is best, even if in the moment it just feels numb.
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While I agree with everything you said I'll also add that silence can mean I do care but I'm done explaining myself to someone who isn't hearing me and trying to excuse their shitty behaviour to suite their agenda.

~If someone says you hurt them you don't get to decide you didn't~ You either change your behaviour or accept their silence.
 
TheDudeAbides89 said:
I am certain this is about me. Ha!

This is a very good statement. A couple of observations:

First, to do this can be ego trip. Of course it is about me, everything is. I am viewing too much of life through a defensive lens because I am so focused on myself.

But also, many assume others are doing to them what they do to others. Many behaviors are assumed on others that I consider a norm.

This is more related to how people assume a post is about them, of course, but same thing. The bottom line is that it is the inability to have sympathy and empathy, and the tendency to take things personally, assuming it has to be about you.

If being passive aggressive is what I do, I assume others will do it too.
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Yes! I agree with everything you have said completely.
The inability to show even the tiniest bit of empathy/sympathy and make everything about themselves instead is most definitely is an ego thing and says more than I need to know about a person, I feel.
 
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