Group Banter The Super-Random Thread

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Somebody figure out the nutritional/caloric content of all this, which yielded five quarts, in each 16oz serving:

60 oz diced tomatoes
16 oz black beans
15 oz great norther beans
1 large green pepper
1 small red pepper
1 small orange pepper
2 large celery stalks
1 large spanish onion
3 large jalapenos
4 habaneros
1 large poblano
12 oz portobello mushrooms
3 cloves garlic
1 lb 80% lean ground beef
2 teaspoons of salt
2 tablespoons of various seasonings, like ground chili peppers, basil, etc.
 
When the police arrived they found Ades taking a bath and arrested her. According to reports, she seemed genuinely confused as to why she was being arrested.
The police also found a large butcher knife in her car.
On another occasion, Ades showed up to the man’s office claiming to be his wife.
 
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