I am here yet again wondering if this place is my treasure or my drug.
If it's my treasure ,it is something I hide away from the rest of the world.If it's my drug ,it hides me away from the world.
Or maybe it is both.
Maybe the people who come here looking for connections seek something superficial but end up with something life altering.Like me.I didn't come here hoping for anything.This place took from me.It gave to me but it stayed with me.I guess that's nothing short of a real relationship.
I have had so many experiences here.
I want to share one such experience.
in 2020 as I was spending my regular weekday night over here I was intrigued by one account.His replies on the main were terse and and hard hitting. I went on to message him.My behaviour was over the top sassy for no apparent reason.Neither was i this way with anyone else.It was fun talking.I guess his name and his height of a glorious 6ft drew me . hahah sorry boys its a weakness for all girls.Little did i know what was in store for me.The banter was filled with sarcasm and dryness but also fun nonetheless.We chat until late that night.Once i woke up i soon logged in again around 2 pm with the hope of seeing him again. And i did.(it's 11:11 as I type this.how divine)
We chatted again and he left with the message "I hope we never speak again". Little did he know what was in store for him .After a few days i was on about my usual rant and responding to the various messages i received.I chat for a while with one account realising eventually that it was him again.We spoke and laughed.I had warmed up to him.So did he to me.We Time flew while we spoke mostly about random things.The conversations kept flowing.I realised he was the first man I had chatted with for this long without getting in virtual bed with him.Imagine sleeping with someone to see if you should talk to them.Anyways i brought up how we didn't sext yet and things happened smoothly.The sex was comfortable and hot.Infact quite hot. It proceeded to get intimate.I didn't know what to make of the intimacy. I just liked the feeling..He gave me his Instagram.The next few days we sexted and talked all over chat.After one such emotionally intense sexting session I changed.The song what goes around comes around is my ringtone and a particular line had crawled into my reality.The line You said that you were moving on now
And maybe I should do the same.
The funny thing about that is
I was ready to give you my name.I made a new Instgram account to text him.I couldn't possibly let him know my name or face or who I was after the way he has seen me online.That personality is meant to stay here.The real me is quite polished and 'proper' so I believed.The next day he messaged saying he passed my city and missed me .I gave aloof responses.He didn't ask me anything or say anything.
After a few days i tried looking for him.Asked for him on the chat but didn't see him again.I knew he was upset.I wasn't okay with messaging him on Instagram as i wanted to keep to fcn.Soon his Instagram was gone too. I went back to my old ways.
end of part 1.
