Banter Why Are They Single?

One thing I have heard about this guy, and I’ve hung out with this guy a lot, so I was caught off-guard when I heard this. What I recently heard is that he likes to wear a chicken suit on his dates. Why a chicken suit, you ask? I have no idea. Probably the only thing that can actually house his cock. Although it is weird he always goes to stranger’s tables and starts playing duck-duck-goose after a few drinks. Especially when he’s dressed as neither.
Anyways, I’ll do some more investigating and get back to you all. I know you really want to know. :)
 
Likes to bring a cat on every date she goes on and claim it’s a service pet. Problem is she sits in her chair stroking the cat like Dr. Evil in Austin Powers, likes she’s hatching some crazy ass scheme to take over the world. In reality, she’s probably just imagining plans to lock her date up and abuse him in her sex chamber. Anyways, the dates never make it to that point because the guys are weirded out by the cat and the fact that the cat hisses at them the entire time.
 
Every other sentence that comes out of his mouth is a quote from The Big Bang Theory. Additionally, upon shouting the word "bazinga", his clothes spontaneously disintegrate, which is much more situationally convenient than it sounds.
 
She arrives at every date wearing wrapping paper and a bow. Now you may think to yourself, “C’mon Fildo! You mean like a printed dress with a bow”? Nope! Actual wrapping paper like she just arrived off the streets and this “Happy Holidays” paper was the only thing she could find. Plus it makes that noisy paper sound when she moves or fidgets. Then, as if that weren’t enough, she asks her date at the end of the night if he wants to open his present. *Head slap*. Needless to say, she’s never been opened. Well … not the present way anyways. ;)
 
She’s one of those that that always has a story to one up her dates story. We all know somebody like that. If her date tells her he once got sick on food at this restaurant, then she replies that she did also. In fact they had to call the paramedics and resuscitate her because she almost died.
“Wow” he says. “That is crazy! I was hiking last year and fell off a 25 foot cliff and fractured both my legs”.
“Oh man. I was hiking last year and a bear attacked me and ripped off both my legs and my right forearm. I’m lucky to be alive!”
“Ummmm … didn’t you just walk in here with me and isn’t that your right arm on the table”?
“Yeah but I had them surgically repaired so they look real”.
“Ooooooookay … did I tell you I love to skydive and on my last jump my main shoot didn’t open so I had to rely on my secondary shoot to survive? Barely made it”.
“I know what you mean. I jumped out of a plane with no parachute one time. That was crazy! Barely made but I stuck the landing like a superhero. I jumped from space also so that was really high.”
“Okay … I think we are done here.”
 
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