Banter Why Are They Single?

loL! Because he never stops babbling bullshit!
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Now this is an interesting case. I really did my due diligence here and interviewed a ton of his dates. I mean these are the ones that went horribly wrong, possibly were tainted from the experience and were really willing to give me the dirty details of this guy. After several months of failed first dates and mounds of data … I’ve come to the following conclusion. No fucking idea! I guess no grants for future case studies on this guy so back to my old technique of just listening to gossip.
 
What people don’t know about him is that he always has to arrive to meet his dates with theme music blaring in the back. Where does this music come from, you ask? Usually just a guy holding a boombox (yeah … I said boombox) playing whatever song he wants for that particular date. Now you might think this entourage is a group of his closest friends. Nope. Usually just some homeless guys he ran into on his way who he pays with booze. Pretty annoying. Plus the guys smell like urine so there’s that.
 
Has that weird habit of trying to be funny and tell jokes, but forgets the punch line. As if that’s not bad enough, when he goes out and sings karaoke, he doesn’t know any of the words so makes up his own and thinks it’s hilarious. As if that’s not bad enough, he keeps calling his date the name of his last date.
 
Comes dressed like a clown. I’m not saying he can’t dress. I’m saying he comes dressed as a freakin’ clown. Has the big shoes and bulbous nose and big ol’ onsie. And the squirting flower! Really goes all out. Except his dates never think he’s hilarious.
 
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