Banter Why Are They Single?

He gets a severe case of cold feet every time he goes on a date. They set everything up, what he’s going to be wearing and what he looks like. When the date shows up, she approaches him … smiling and looking lovely … and extends her hand, asking “Are you Scott”?
*Shakes head* “No. I think you have me mistaken for somebody else.”
“Oh. I’m sorry. This is embarrassing but I was supposed to meet somebody here who is dressed like you.”
*still shaking head* “Nooooo …. That’s not me. My “wife” is in the bathroom so I would be in trouble if I set up a date on our night out.” *nervous laugh*
“My apologies ….” *looks around*
@Dublinscot runs out the door.
 
From the rumors I’ve heard in the dating world, he likes to “ghost” his dates right around check time. I said to myself, “That doesn’t sound like Tom.” So I did a little digging and found this:
What actually happens is he and his dates are having a great time, having diner and a few drinks and the dates start rubbing his crotch with their feet. Must like the ladies with the same move. Anyways, he starts getting an erection and instead of scaring her and the rest of the people in the restaurant with his massive hard on, he excuses himself to the bathroom where he tries to rub one out really quick. Problem is … when you have that much blood flow to lower third leg that fast, it leaves him dizzy and disoriented from lack of blood flow to the brain. He ends up leaving the restaurant in a fog. Sounds ridiculous you say? Check the science. It is all true. I think.
 
Because she doesn’t look her age so everybody who goes on a date with her thinks they are getting this milf because that is what turns them on. But she looks like she is in her late 20s so every guy is instantly disappointed. They also expect a sexy Aussie accent but it turns out she’s from Boston. So no accent. Otherwise, she is a catch for any guy.
 
Well, apparently he talks too damn much. And orders a lot of food. And eats his dates food as well. And talks with food in his mouth. Just a slob. Lol
 
Always uses the “I don’t think this is working” game when dating. In fact, has it down to the minute when they are about to order the appetizers. He looks at his watch and tells his date, “I don’t think we’re going to work out.” Which is confusing because they literally just sat down. I just think he’s a cheap bastard but …it works every time. Hasn’t paid for a meal yet.
 
Because he passes himself off as a very important person to his dates. “How does he do that, Fildo” you ask? Well I will tell you. When his dates ask what he does for a living, he tells them he’s a very important person … he’s a moderator. “Ooooooh. …” his dates say. “Like for sports contracts or arbitration cases”?
No
“Like for divorce cases when the two parties can’t come to terms”?
No
“For multi-billion dollar company mergers”?
No
“Well where do you work”?
At FCN.
“What do they do”?
They produce fantasies in the form of chat rooms and forums. It’s an adult chat room.
“Ooooooooooooh…..are you that chat moderator @Rampage_roleplayer_ ”?
Yeah … how did you know?
“Lucky guess. Check please.”
 
Because he talks to himself at the table and shows up not wearing pants. Kind of like the Lego Movie segment, “Where’s My Pants…?” but in real life. What a clown.
 
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