I hate my messed up brain, sometimes I'm genuinely cute and sweet and other times I just want to put everyone to sleep, myself included. My bitterness and anger aren't things I like to joke with, they genuinely drive me crazy and make me want to blow my brains out
I tried to distract myself from the pain of knowing he doesn't want me around anymore with talking to other men but it doesn't work at all, I pretend I like it thinking I eventually will but I just feel worse and think things like "hmmm he wouldn't do that" or "he would respect this" he was the best owner EVER and I feel awful for being so fucking annoying
I don't care if you look at my body and can only think of me as a woman while knowing I'm not comfortable being one fuck you fuck you fuck you FUCK YOU. I hate gender and I hate people who want to make me be something I'm not
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