If a cow can’t produce milk, is it called a Milk Dud, or an Udder Failure
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Why are they called "hemorrhoids"? They should be called "asteroids".
I just saw a Mail truck, and here I thought all trucks were female
What is the most important thing to learn in chemistry? Never lick the spoon
I got called pretty yesterday and it felt good! Actually, the sentence was "You're pretty annoying." but I've got to focus on the positive
In Jamaica, a slice of pie costs $3.50. In the Bahamas, a slice of pie costs $5.50. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
To the guy who invented the number zero: "Thanks for nothing".
My doctor advised me to kill people. Not in such words of course, he just said that I must diminish the amount of stress in my life.
My friends laughed at me when I told them I had a hot date and they said she was imaginary. Well the jokes on them – they're imaginary too.
"Doctor, I'm addicted to 'The Family Feud' game show. What's wrong with me? Doctor: "Well, the survey says..."
I once took the p out of a pirate. It made him very angry...
I like to hold hands at the movies... which always seems to startle strangers
The first 5 days after the weekend are the hardest.
Hello everyone, welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces here tonight.
I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
You know how some people pick their nose? I feel like I was born with mine.
Education is important but other stuff is more importanter.
Two cheese trucks ran into each other. De brie was everywhere.
Saying "super size it" at the drive-thru doesn't work when it's a pharmacy.
Hung a picture up on the wall the other day. Nailed it.
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