What rhymes with orange. No it doesn’t
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I found a cheap TV for sale that had a broken volume button, I said wow! I can’t turn that down.
I wonder if the receptionist at the sperm bank has ever used the phrase.. “Thanks for coming”
Velcro – what a rip-off!
PMS jokes are not funny or appropriate – period!
Inspecting mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing.
Without a doubt, my favorite Robin Williams movie is Mrs. Fire.
Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house.
My favorite teacher in school was named Ms. Turtle. Weird name, but she tortoise well.
Two cannibals are eating a clown and one says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”
They warned me not to lean over the edge of that tower in Paris. Eiffel.
Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.
I'm not impressed by a 2 minute eclipse. One time Kid Rock didn't see the sun for 3 damn days.
I saw a man standing on just one leg at the ATM. Confused, I asked him what he was doing? He said I’m checking my balance.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.
Someone just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don't even own bikes...
Comedy break.. just in case you need to hear this today.. It's gonna be ok. You’ve got this!!
Tried to make a joke about putting Marijuana in the Dryer... All I got was Tumbleweed.
Cop: "Have you been out drinking?" Person in car: "Uh yeah, I'm 28, I've been out drinking literally hundreds of times."
When some people see a snake they have two movements. A physical movement and a bowel movement.
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