Advice and Opinion Advice and Tips From Chatters

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WomenRfromVenus

Martian
FCN Regular
(I dont think an advice thread exists.) So I thought maybe we should have one.

Anyone can make a post asking for tips or advice. Anyone who wishes to reply with an answer, can.
Make sure to quote the person you are answering.

Please keep it more on the sincere side.
-All topics welcomed
 
Question:
When do you think apologies are most effective?
A) When you sincerely mean it from your heart, so apologize to them

Or

B) when you think they are ready to hear it
 
WomenRfromVenus said:
Question:
How do you overcome being a procrastinator?
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Like anything (eating healthier, exercising, taking better care of yourself, studying, pursuing a better job, etc.) it has to be a lifestyle change one wants to make. Then after wanting to make the change it takes practice, time, patience, and more practice.

I'm guessing there are tips and tricks on the internet somewhere for not being a procrastinator. I've always found making a list helpful. I put what is urgent at the top of the list. Also I tend to place a high priority on things which must be done in a short amount of time. What should be at the bottom of the list are things which aren't a priority AND don't need to be done anytime soon. You have to be careful though because stuff like cleaning the house (technically it doesn't HAVE to be done and one could go without cleaning a long time), if put off for a long time, just gets way worse over time. So I do take time to work on the lower items on my list as well.

Another strategy would be to have someone hold you accountable. Ask the person (could be a friend, a co-worker, a family member) if they are comfortable checking in with you and holding you accountable. You also need to be open to receiving feedback to change your habit of putting things off.

Just my thoughts on the subject and by all means not inclusive.
 
WomenRfromVenus said:
Question:
When do you think apologies are most effective?
A) When you sincerely mean it from your heart, so apologize to them

Or

B) when you think they are ready to hear it
Click to expand...

Tough choice, but I think apologies are the most effective when you sincerely mean it. I've always thought what is the point of apologizing if you aren't sincere and don't meant it? Are you saying 'sorry' just to say it? If so, then the apology means nothing in my opinion.

If the other person is ready to hear the apology and the apology isn't sincere, is the apology effective at all? In my opinion it isn't. It's just words spoken with no true meaning.

In actuality it's probably a mix between a and b... Meaning the person apologizing has to be sincere and the other person has to be ready to hear it. This combination would most likely create the most effective apology. Though between the two I'm sticking with the person apologizing being sincere. I tend to believe a truly sincere and remorseful apology can get through even if the person being apologized to isn't ready to hear it.

Would be great to see others chime in!
 
How often and for how long should I water my vegetable garden? I get only six hours of direct, drifting sunlight in my garden.
 
Why do some people change the subject or terms and continue the same argument after they realize that they've been defeated? (Not an instance of trolling)
 
Victoriax said:
How do you deal with stupidity in others, without coming across rude or condescending?
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That's a tough one, sometimes there is no way, unfortunately. But for the most part if you come to that person, contrite, sincere and approach the situation as trying to help instead of just criticizing their behavior, I think it works out - eventually.

And sometimes they'll just get angry, you have to be able to let it slide off you. That's even tougher still.
 
Victoriax said:
How do you deal with stupidity in others, without coming across rude or condescending?
Click to expand...

Really depends on the circumstances.

At work, you're only required to interact with them on a professional level and you can always steer the interactions to remain work related. If they're looking to interact beyond work environment, you can make it clear that you don't mix life and work, thereby eliminating any dealings with them.

With a friend, you have more wiggle room and you could discuss their behavior for the benefit of the friendship. That's what friends are for, right?

With strangers, there's really no need to deal with them. Just "hi," "bye," quick and relevant answer which should leave no room for follow up, or a nod and
/or "is there anything else I can help you with?" should be sufficient.
 
Question:
There's a meme that suggests "if people treat you like you don't matter. Believe them"

Is this always true? Or are there exceptions for those who aren't expressive.
 
Stanthropical said:
Really depends on the circumstances.

At work, you're only required to interact with them on a professional level and you can always steer the interactions to remain work related. If they're looking to interact beyond work environment, you can make it clear that you don't mix life and work, thereby eliminating any dealings with them.

With a friend, you have more wiggle room and you could discuss their behavior for the benefit of the friendship. That's what friends are for, right?

With strangers, there's really no need to deal with them. Just "hi," "bye," quick and relevant answer which should leave no room for follow up, or a nod and
/or "is there anything else I can help you with?" should be sufficient.
Click to expand...

ConstantIdleHart-size_restricted.gif
 
Stanthropical said:
Why do some people change the subject or terms and continue the same argument after they realize that they've been defeated? (Not an instance of trolling)
Click to expand...
Because some people absolutely must have the last word. . Most of the time it's just best, IMHO, to make your point, and leave the conversation. Also, pointing it out in a way that turns it can be successful because them answering back, or continuing, just proves your point.
 
WomenRfromVenus said:
Question:
There's a meme that suggests "if people treat you like you don't matter. Believe them"

Is this always true? Or are there exceptions for those who aren't expressive.
Click to expand...

I don't think is true in most cases. If people treat you like you don't matter, find other people who treat and respect you for who you are. We aren't all go getters, sociable, or trail blazers. Everyone has a place to fit in as long as they aren't obnoxious, arrogant, annoying as fuck, and well aren't committing reprehensible acts which shall be unnamed.

Treating people like they don't matter is a form of bullying, at least in my opinion. Of course not everyone is going to like you. We all have certain people we gravitate towards and get along with better. I'm no different in that regard. But to treat someone who has done nothing wrong, but maybe shy and not comfortable approaching people, like they don't matter? I just don't think anyone should do it. If someone is being treated like they don't matter then they have to their best to find a group of people who will treat them how they should be treated.
 
WomenRfromVenus said:
Question:
How do you overcome being a procrastinator?
Click to expand...

You ask yourself why you're procrastinating. Is it fear of failure? Not knowing what to do? Not interested in the task? What is it really? Because in the end, you'll end up doing that task anyway. Spending as little time on it as you would have it you started earlier, means spending less time being self-aware of why you don't want to do the task. You are forced to buckle down and get it done and not think about your emotions.

Procrastination tends to be rooted in fear, low self-esteem, incomprehension of what's expected and to be done. That has to be dealt with if a change in that behavior is to be long lasting and less recurring.
 
Victoriax said:
How do you deal with stupidity in others, without coming across rude or condescending?
Click to expand...

Like Stanopoulos said, it depends.

My definition of stupidity is mental laziness, the choice to not educate oneself on topics, to be closed to other viewpoints, to question statements, situations, opinions. Stupidity is not having a lack of knowledge (of whatever kind) if someone is trying hard to understand and grow.

There is no point in speaking at length with someone who is intellectually lazy. It is a waste of time and energy. I have no interest in having their nonsense seep into my mental realm, nor to have be left with a feeling of annoyance.

If someone stupid is talking to me and keeps talking, because the situation is such that I cannot or should not extricate myself, and that they are the "harmless kind" of idiot, then my answers are minimal. Anything more that I have to say is at a slower pace and in a lower pitch voice. This didn't use happen on purpose, it was simply how I began reacting to stupidity, so as to engage less and remain placid. Now that I have that behavior practiced, I do that and it works for me.

If the stupid person is the arrogant type, who boasts and brings down others by making them feel less than, then I have no qualms engaging them to protect others and to teach them a lesson. A lesson that may not stick, but takes back power from Stupid World. If I'm seen as rude in that situation, then I succeded in my goal and I find doing that quite enjoyable tbh.
 
NerdiGuy said:
I'd say that's about the most reprehensible saying I've ever heard...everyone matters, you just have to find the person/people who can show you the truth.
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PoliteandNaughty said:
I don't think is true in most cases. If people treat you like you don't matter, find other people who treat and respect you for who you are. We aren't all go getters, sociable, or trail blazers. Everyone has a place to fit in as long as they aren't obnoxious, arrogant, annoying as fuck, and well aren't committing reprehensible acts which shall be unnamed.

Treating people like they don't matter is a form of bullying, at least in my opinion. Of course not everyone is going to like you. We all have certain people we gravitate towards and get along with better. I'm no different in that regard. But to treat someone who has done nothing wrong, but maybe shy and not comfortable approaching people, like they don't matter? I just don't think anyone should do it. If someone is being treated like they don't matter then they have to their best to find a group of people who will treat them how they should be treated.
Click to expand...
Great answers, fellas

But I suppose what I wrote was confusing.

What the meme was suggesting was= if people like family, friends, and romantic partners; treat you as if you don't matter. Believe them

I.e. understanding to whom you have importance, not wasting energy for those who dont value you. Or show your value, in their life.

But I often wonder if it can be that clear cut?????

When you have to give tiny consideration to some people who aren't emotionally expressive. Or even there are those, with wounded pasts that have made them very closed off, and not really acceptable to vulnerability.

So its hard to discern between the 2 sometimes? Those who really just dont care, versus those who are horrible at showing it.

But in a sense, I would think even if its someone just terrible with emotional expression. If, you are someone who requires that to flourish successfully in bonds, still...is it worth the effort?

The effort of putting so much in, getting little or nothing, back.
 
Thalassa said:
If the stupid person is the arrogant type, who boasts and brings down others by making them feel less than, then I have no qualms engaging them to protect others and to teach them a lesson. A lesson that may not stick, but takes back power from Stupid World. If I'm seen as rude in that situation, then I succeded in my goal and I find doing that quite enjoyable tbh
Click to expand...
I personally, find nothing wrong with challenging stupid people sometimes.

Someone suggested that protests and unrest was a normal cycle of life. These things bring change, hence will often come. Just let the process proceed.

(Easy comparison to challenging a douche.)
I have found that sometimes, not always. They will learn the most tiniest of lessons (as you suggested). Will that lesson penetrate hard enough to bring change? Maybe not. But they at least realize their actions are open to being challenged..not everyone will tolerate such bs

Having people feel entitled to trample others, without repercussion. Only enables their behavior.
And leads to others becoming victims of their continued behavior.

We are really doing society a disservice by turning a blind eye sometimes.

There's an old bible verse that says "spare the rod, spoil the child"

What that means is= (not the physical discipline some might think)

It really means= those without discipline in their life , will suffer with personal development.
 
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