Advice and Opinion Advice and Tips From Chatters

WomenRfromVenus said:
I personally, find nothing wrong with challenging stupid people sometimes.

Someone suggested that protests and unrest was a normal cycle of life. These things bring change, hence will often come. Just let the process proceed.

(Easy comparison to challenging a douche.)
I have found that sometimes, not always. They will learn the most tiniest of lessons (as you suggested). Will that lesson penetrate hard enough to bring change? Maybe not. But they at least realize their actions are open to being challenged..not everyone will tolerate such bs

Having people feel entitled to trample others, without repercussion. Only enables their behavior.
And leads to others becoming victims of their continued behavior.

We are really doing society a disservice by turning a blind eye sometimes.

There's an old bible verse that says "spare the rod, spoil the child"

What that means is= (not the physical discipline some might think)

It really means= those without discipline in their life , will suffer with personal development.
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What you said applies only to the arrogant stupid person and like I said, they ought to be brought down from their high horse of stupidity.

Regarding the other kind of intellectually lazy people, the harmless kind - not my job to challenge them or educate them. I stopped taking on useless causes. That's alright because there'll always be someone else who will do that.
 
Thalassa said:
What you said applies only to the arrogant stupid person and like I said, they ought to be brought down from their high horse of stupidity.
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But most of the power of bullies and arrogant enforcers, only lies within the minds of others.

Im going to use another bible story. Just because the symbolism is so great in comparison to life

Take the story of David and Goliath.

Goliath was a giant. Who came out daily, challenging the army of Israel. (For any man to face him in 1 on 1 combat.)

Goliath's power didn't lie within his physical abilities.

His power lied within the ability to plant fear in the minds of the Israelite army.
The outward appearance and his boastful, arrogant words. Was a psychological maneuver.

He convinced them that no man was able to defeat him. It wasn't true. Yet his ability to manipulate their psychi, made them think it was true.

He was able to insight fear amongst them all, without lifting one weapon.

No different with pompous aholes and bullies.

They all have weaknesses. Just better at using defense mechanisms to conceal it. While using powerful techniques to make others afraid to challenge.
 
Victoriax said:
How do you deal with stupidity in others, without coming across rude or condescending?
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In my case how I deal with it depends on the type of stupidity. Is it willful ignorance of a subject/refusing to educate oneself about a subject? If so I am not going to waste my time on educating this type of stupidity. I will be short, sweet, and direct with the person. I will try not to come off as rude or condescending. However, if the person keeps going on and on, I will point blank tell the person they need to educate themselves a lot better on the subject. In those cases I might be a little rude.

The other type of stupidity to me is someone who thinks they know every damn thing. No matter what you say to them, they always have an argument or a point that makes them "right". There is just absolutely no way this type of person can't be wrong. This is a special type of stupidity to me which I call "The Know-It-All". Getting in a discussion with a "know-it-all" is pointless, useless, and just a huge waste of time. Once I have an idea the person is a know-it-all I will just tell them they are inconsiderate, don't consider other's views, and no matter what I say they will still think they are right so I am not dealing with them. I think this is the best way to deal with that special type of stupidity.
 
WomenRfromVenus said:
Great answers, fellas

But I suppose what I wrote was confusing.

What the meme was suggesting was= if people like family, friends, and romantic partners; treat you as if you don't matter. Believe them

I.e. understanding to whom you have importance, not wasting energy for those who dont value you. Or show your value, in their life.

But I often wonder if it can be that clear cut?????

When you have to give tiny consideration to some people who aren't emotionally expressive. Or even there are those, with wounded pasts that have made them very closed off, and not really acceptable to vulnerability.

So its hard to discern between the 2 sometimes? Those who really just dont care, versus those who are horrible at showing it.

But in a sense, I would think even if its someone just terrible with emotional expression. If, you are someone who requires that to flourish successfully in bonds, still...is it worth the effort?

The effort of putting so much in, getting little or nothing, back.
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I think you have a point that sometimes it isn't clear cut to see who values you and who does not. In my experience people express love, friendship, compassion, and some similar emotions in very different ways.

For example let's take romantic partners. One may be very expressive with words and touch. The other may be more expressive with actions (e.g., working two jobs to pay the bills, doing the yard work). Does it mean the one who doesn't express it with words does not value the other? I don't think that is necessarily the case. Now if one is extremely expressive with the words, touch, and actions and the other isn't doing a DAMN thing, then I think one could make a conclusion he/she doesn't matter as much to the other. Goodness I hope all of that made sense as I feel like I might be writing in circles!

Addressing the effort of putting so much in and getting little to nothing back. As one putting a lot in you have to realize you may get nothing back/just a little and be okay with it. Otherwise maybe it's best not to put as much in.
 
WomenRfromVenus said:
But most of the power of bullies and arrogant enforcers, only lies within the minds of others.

Im going to use another bible story. Just because the symbolism is so great in comparison to life

Take the story of David and Goliath.

Goliath was a giant. Who came out daily, challenging the army of Israel. (For any man to face him in 1 on 1 combat.)

Goliath's power didn't lie within his physical abilities.

His power lied within the ability to plant fear in the minds of the Israelite army.
The outward appearance and his boastful, arrogant words. Was a psychological maneuver.

He convinced them that no man was able to defeat him. It wasn't true. Yet his ability to manipulate their psychi, made them think it was true.

He was able to insight fear amongst them all, without lifting one weapon.

No different with pompous aholes and bullies.

They all have weaknesses. Just better at using defense mechanisms to conceal it. While using powerful techniques to make others afraid to challenge.
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I'm not sure why you started your post with "but" as a reply to that snippet of my post. I agree with your post that I am currently quoting.

Perhaps I was not clear in what I wrote, or perhaps you wished to get into detail. Apologies for the former, appreciated for the latter.
 
Hey mimi, what, no more questions?

P.s. Why is your thread named "advice and tips from CHATTERS"? I don’t feel very welcome now.
 
WomenRfromVenus said:
Okie miss forumite, heres my question for you.
It's not often that a fcner spends ample time in the chat rooms and forums alike. Most tend to stick with one, or barely participate.
Why is that?
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Obviously I am not the wonderful Thalassa, but here are my thoughts on your question for whatever it is worth.

Overall your observation is correct, most people either seem to stick totally with forums or chat rooms. There are probably just a few who participate in both on a regular basis. I think there are several reasons for this.

Reason #1: I believe most people come here for quick interaction and the so called 'one off'. Since this is the case, chat is the easiest place to get the quick interaction and 'one off'. There are a lot more people active in chat than in the forums. Plus the replies are quicker and in real time (assuming one gets a reply, of course). Thus the chat rooms are the best avenue for the person looking for the quick thing.

Reason #2: People who frequent the chat rooms are unaware of the forums. Maybe this is by choice and they don't even care there are forums here. Maybe they really just have no idea whatsoever that a site called 'Free Chat Now' has forums.

Reason #3: The people who frequent the forums know, in general, how dreadful the chat rooms can be at times. If anyone has ever gone in the Adult or Sex chat room lately then you understand it is extremely difficult to keep up. It is mostly constant spamming and I would say in most cases you won't find engaging conversation there. Some of the smaller rooms can lend to better interaction, but you still get the spammers which brings down the room. Oh and the 'public play' which goes on in some of the rooms is just absolutely terrible. So there are probably quite a few people who post regularly in the forums who have just had it with how the chat rooms are for the most part now.

Reason #4: Posting in the forums for the first few times is intimidating and holds some people back. I put this here because this is how I felt. I have chatted on and off on this site for a couple of years, but only started posting in the forums very late last year. The main reason was is because I wasn't sure how people would react to me posting. You have that 'newbie' stigma attached to you, whether fair or unfair. As it turned out generally everyone was accepting of me and I find that to be the case of most people as long as you don't act like a pushy asshole or a troll in the forums.

Another contributing reason I think is simply time. If someone is spending some of their time here it is difficult to devote proper time to both the forums and the chat room.

Now we just need the forumite herself to chime in on the question!
 
Victoriax said:
How do you deal with stupidity in others, without coming across rude or condescending?
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The only way to avoid this is to politely nod and smile whilst internally you are imagining you throat punching them for their down right idiocy.
 
I've got a question as I have been wondering about it for a while. What does it mean when someone here refers to another as a big sis, little sis, big bro, etc.? I've tried to figure it out myself, but at this point I am seeking official answers.
 
WomenRfromVenus said:
Question:
When do you think apologies are most effective?
A) When you sincerely mean it from your heart, so apologize to them

Or

B) when you think they are ready to hear it
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In my opinion it is most affective when u sincerely mean it other wise what's the point of apologizing to someone a person can never be ready if he or she holds a grudge for a long time. And apology made can never go in vein
 
Stanthropical said:
Why do some people change the subject or terms and continue the same argument after they realize that they've been defeated? (Not an instance of trolling)
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People change the subject because they need to show that they know it all if u meet a person who accepts his defeat never belittle him or her. Here the power of dominance play a role. Everyone wants to dominate others in some way or the other. It's human nature but very few of them accepts and moves on
 
PoliteandNaughty said:
What does it mean when someone here refers to another as a big sis, little sis, big bro, etc.?
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[disclaimer: non-official answer]
My siblings are the people who know me. Wholly, completely, inside and out. They were part of my growing up and thus know everything. What I can do, what I can't, what I couldn't, but now can. They know all my secrets and keep them safe. They understand how to wind me up and how to calm me down (often with something as little as a look). What makes me angry and why, what scares me and when to use that against me. They are and will always be there in the blink of an eye in a moment of need. Even when we hate each other, we would happily slit a throat for each other. (And we can hate each other for years without ending our relationship)

Our connection is deep and profound. Honest and unhidden.

When we meet people with whom we never shared a womb who also meet these criteria we often feel this same deep connection.

I think calling them brother or sister helps vocalize and affirm that connection.

I certainly have many sisters, and a few brothers too, who have been a profound influence on me. And who even as the years and distance have separated us, I feel their presence and would move heaven and earth for them.

It is also a term I use when I want to appeal to someone to make a stronger (platonic) connection. It signals my honesty and willingness to be open or vulnerable. It also signals my intention to protect them tooth and nail, help them grow, and rub peanut butter on their face.

In terms of adding little or big, I think these further modify and affirm the relationship and position in that relationship.

That's my take...unless this big sis little sis was a kink thing...that I have yet to learn about...I'm learning day by day that this place is full of things I know nothing about.
 
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