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Thalassa

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Ask questions about D/s (Dominance, submission), the lifestyle, related kinks/ fetishes (e.g. bondage, S&M, etc.)

For Dominant men and women to respond to.

Please quote the question when replying to it.
 
Just my two cents, be very careful of these people who openly call themselves a Dom. There are A LOT of men these days that claim they are a Dom, when in fact they are completely clueless and end up emotionally abusing women. Domineering and Dominant are two very different things. Domineering men force women into submission, instead of earning it. Unfortunately, 50 Shades has brought this lifestyle to the public’s eye and along with it, many misconceptions. Along with the emotional abuse, men are physically hurting women (by accident) because they aren’t educated. I would recommend also being careful describing yourself as a submissive in this world. The fake doms will prey on those that do, many times because they can tell whether subs have experience in the lifestyle or not.

I mean no disrespect to anyone curious about the lifestyle, it’s a fascinating one no doubt. But, be careful on the internet with it. I just felt obligated to share.
 
xtacy4 said:
Just my two cents, be very careful of these people who openly call themselves a Dom. There are A LOT of men these days that claim they are a Dom, when in fact they are completely clueless and end up emotionally abusing women. Domineering and Dominant are two very different things. Domineering men force women into submission, instead of earning it. Unfortunately, 50 Shades has brought this lifestyle to the public’s eye and along with it, many misconceptions. Along with the emotional abuse, men are physically hurting women (by accident) because they aren’t educated. I would recommend also being careful describing yourself as a submissive in this world. The fake doms will prey on those that do, many times because they can tell whether subs have experience in the lifestyle or not.

I mean no disrespect to anyone curious about the lifestyle, it’s a fascinating one no doubt. But, be careful on the internet with it. I just felt obligated to share.
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Preach sista!!

Yes, it's always a sub's decision to submit to a Dom instead of being forced to do so.
 
xtacy4 said:
Just my two cents, be very careful of these people who openly call themselves a Dom. There are A LOT of men these days that claim they are a Dom, when in fact they are completely clueless and end up emotionally abusing women. Domineering and Dominant are two very different things. Domineering men force women into submission, instead of earning it. Unfortunately, 50 Shades has brought this lifestyle to the public’s eye and along with it, many misconceptions. Along with the emotional abuse, men are physically hurting women (by accident) because they aren’t educated. I would recommend also being careful describing yourself as a submissive in this world. The fake doms will prey on those that do, many times because they can tell whether subs have experience in the lifestyle or not.

I mean no disrespect to anyone curious about the lifestyle, it’s a fascinating one no doubt. But, be careful on the internet with it. I just felt obligated to share.
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Very well stated, @xtacy4 ! Yet another reason why I like you - intelligence is sexy.
 
xtacy4 said:
Just my two cents, be very careful of these people who openly call themselves a Dom. There are A LOT of men these days that claim they are a Dom, when in fact they are completely clueless and end up emotionally abusing women. Domineering and Dominant are two very different things. Domineering men force women into submission, instead of earning it. Unfortunately, 50 Shades has brought this lifestyle to the public’s eye and along with it, many misconceptions. Along with the emotional abuse, men are physically hurting women (by accident) because they aren’t educated. I would recommend also being careful describing yourself as a submissive in this world. The fake doms will prey on those that do, many times because they can tell whether subs have experience in the lifestyle or not.

I mean no disrespect to anyone curious about the lifestyle, it’s a fascinating one no doubt. But, be careful on the internet with it. I just felt obligated to share.
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Your 2 cents is the most valuable and needed to be said.

This is why I want to have threads about this stuff, so people know about this. I am noticing there are lots who say they are Doms or subs on here. Because I talk quite a bit about this in my posts, I have had PMs about D/s and realize there is a lot of confusion and misunderstandings. I certainly do not know everything there is to know, and never will claim that. I do however care enough about the lifestyle that (1) I would like us to dispel those misunderstandings, and (2) put out this info here so that wanna be subs do not get taken advantage of.

I also want to learn more about it myself and was hoping for that.

So if folks are willing to engage in this thread, I'm game. Otherwise, y'all better re-read @xtacy's post.
 
xyzrp said:
Preach sista!!

Yes, it's always a sub's decision to submit to a Dom instead of being forced to do so.
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Agreed. BUT - In theory, it can seem simple and straightforward. In practice, it is different. Subs tend to be meek and agreable, or think they ought to be meek and agreable. Many will "decide" to submit, only to realize later on that they felt compelled to.
 
ThalassaBabe said:
Agreed. BUT - In theory, it can seem simple and straightforward. In practice, it is different. Subs tend to be meek and agreable, or think they ought to be meek and agreable. Many will "decide" to submit, only to realize later on that they felt compelled to.
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How is that different from being manipulated? Doesn't it fall along the same lines of being, for the lack of better word, hustled?

I think this should go in Ask a Sub thread btw :/
 
xyzrp said:
How is that different from being manipulated? Doesn't it fall along the same lines of being, for the lack of better word, hustled?

I think this should go in Ask a Sub thread btw :/
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I’m sorry @ThalassaBabe. This thread is getting derailed, I apologize. I have soooo much to say about this topic and feel VERY strongly about it. It IS manipulation! But because of the perception people have, they maybe let some things slide that they normally wouldn’t. Or, they try to open themselves up to an “experience” and do things they normally wouldn’t. Many of these fake Doms are smooth talking, narcissistic assholes who are very experienced in taking advantage of women. Hustled, manipulated, tricked, mind games, used.....it’s mental abuse. However you want to put it, there’s an unbelievable amount of it happening. These sort of sites are known for an abundance of fake doms on the prowl. That being said, there are some incredible D/s relationships. Just be cognizant. :)
 
AllIn4Luv said:
No experience in this lifestyle, but plenty of curiosity. I've been approached by a handful of guys now who are looking for a "sub". I've taken it upon myself to reflect on WHY I am attracted to this lifestyle, what is it in me. And where are the boundaries of some kind of healthy expression of an inner truth and at what point is it stepping over into dysfunction.

So to ask a Dom, what, if anything, do you do to check in with yourself and your sub to make sure your relationship stays mutually healthy and isn't creeping over into manipulation and abuse?
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Personally speaking, I try to constantly evaluate who I am, who my partner is. That changes regularly, I find. What is fitting one day will not be the next. I think that, in itself, defines the proper dom/sub relationship.

A Dom who is not willing to put forth the effort to truly learn and understand their sub, will inevitably resort to less healthy means. IMO
 
What are some unconventional ways for a man to express his Dominance?
 
In what ways have women had the opportunity to let a man submit to her whims and desires?
 
Thalassa said:
What are some unconventional ways for a man to express his Dominance?
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This Dominant/submissive relation is no child's play but it has always intrigued me. I feel it's fascinating and liberating. I've never had a gf, let alone being in a D/s relationship and am not qualified to guide anyone in this subject. But, I feel Dominance is a quality one is born with and it doesn't mean that one has to be arrogant and aggressive to be described as dominant. I feel it's a rare breed and you'd be really lucky if you know a true dominant. Plus, dominance is not gender biased, could be anyone.
I respect women in every way possible and if ever i find a girl for me...i know i wanna take good care of her in as many ways as possible. (and appropriate)
Now, to answer the question: (from a guy's POV)
• I feel if a man pushes/insists her woman to eat right, workout and stay fit for him then that is a way of unconventional dominance.
• Behaving like a gentleman with her woman...doing stuff like getting the door for her, walking with her holding her hand firmly or with an arm around her...like they are their ultimate guardians, making her comfortably seated before sitting down, etc. is probably another sign.
• Getting her out/helping her/speaking up for her when she's in trouble
• Taking the time & trouble to know her likes and dislikes and and and also teach her to follow some of the rules which he himself lives by.
• Most importantly, being patient with her and helping her get above her fears and defeating her demons.

I feel these are some of the ways to show dominance in an unconventional way and also things I'd do IRL. I'm gonna read as much info as possible about Dom/sub relationships and observe what it does to me.

Hoping this thread comes to life again :)
 
LilithX said:
I’d tell him to fuck off and mind his own business and go grab a donut. But that’s just me lol. Sorry, back to your regularly scheduled program :p
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Victoriax said:
What you’ve described sounds closer to psychologically abusive more than anything.

Someone being submissive doesn’t mean they’re weak. It also doesn’t mean they’ll require a “Dom” to schedule their fitness routine, monitor what they eat and/or speak up for them when they’re in trouble.
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Hmm i did get a feeling that this was coming... however, I'm not ashamed of what i feel or offended by any of you women's comments cuz what I've written is not for you. :)
Ofcourse, I'm not looking to impose anything on anyone who i don't know. They'd think I'm a psycho and tell me to mind my own business lol.
I don't go around commanding people to do as i please... I'm quite reserved and keep my thoughts to myself irl...but, if I'm in a relationship, I'd work to gain their trust first. I want them to feel safe around me and know that whatever I'd do, would only be for their best. Requires patience to get to that level but I'm ready to invest as much time as it takes.

If they still feel like I'm controlling or interfering too much and that i have no say in their lives... they're not gonna be in any bondage and are free to walk out.
Good you shared your thoughts though... I'll keep them in mind.
If anyone feels like laughing or making fun of how i feel, then go on have a good laugh...i don't mind...atleast i made you laugh lol.
Pheeeww lol
 
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Gujjuguy said:
Hmm i did get a feeling that this was coming... however, I'm not ashamed of what i feel or offended by any of you girl's comments cuz what I've written is not for you. :)
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Women*

Not making fun. I have my own opinion of dom/sub dynamics and have seen a lot of abuse within the lifestyle. Mostly mental abuse. And mostly from uneducated men who think they know what women want. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
 
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