Sub Ask a sub

[Thalassa]

Ask questions about D/s (Dominance, submission),the lifestyle, related kinks/ fetishes (e.g. bondage, S&M, etc.)

For submissive men and women to respond to.

Please quote the question when replying to it.

 

[Thalassa]

What does submission mean to you, personally? What does it entail?

 

[EveHerself]

What does submission mean to you, personally? What does it entail?

To me it means submitting to the desires of your partner, which can be a surprisingly active role when you’re with someone who’s not overtly dom, it means being in a state desiring nothing but the pleasure of your partner

 

[Thalassa]

I cannot understand the s/d lifestyle outside of the bedroom (every day life and functions) ....its odd to me *shrugs

Do you have a question in there? Perhaps to be explained the lifestyle? Or did you just want to say that? (Totally cool if that is what you want to do)

 

[Thalassa]

Oh no hun..Im totes up for explanation..
A friend explained to me once of their past s/d lifestyle outside of bedroom.. I cannot grasp the correlation of that to sexual desire..not all dommes/doms are uber agressive / possessive

But I cannot fathom the lack of freedom in a relationship is all?

It is different for all Doms and subs. There are many nuances in this lifestyle. There are extremes, but there is a whole lot more in between.

D/s is not at all about lack of freedom. It has to do with -- for the lack of better words -- dominating and submitting, with power play. It becomes for us, subs, the way to greater freedom, as contradictory as it sounds.

Some subs are happy on restricted freedom. What seems like a "no freedom" life to others, is actually a happy life to them - they choose to give up different things... be it decision-making, veto power, food / clothing choices, etc. Perhaps they don't like deciding on those things. Perhaps they actually enjoy being told what to do. An across the board "giving up of all choice-making" is the extreme. A lot of us are in-between.

For example - During sex, I don't want to have to make decisions. At all. I want someone else to be in control. That turns me on. And allows me to be completely free and completely in the moment.

And btw, it is "D/s" not s/d. Capitalized "D", and small letter "s"

 

[Misha000]

My experience of this is just very limited, but I actually prefer to be sub in the bedroom too. I never thought I was that way inclined because im the most controlling bossy person you could know. I also have OCD and anxiety.

For example - During sex, I don't want to have to make decisions. At all. I want someone else to be in control. That turns me on. And allows me to be completely free and completely in the moment

 

[TallulahBlue]

*shows up with a question about a meatball sub and realizes that probably isn't what this thread is about*

 

[Thalassa]

*shows up with a question about a meatball sub and realizes that probably isn't what this thread is about*

Oh you know that's the Sub way. Getting footlongs, and that too only for $5. Although tastes best when free. Toppings definitely welcome.

(Joke only works if you know the franchise I am referring to...)

 

[xyzrp]

When was the first time you realised you wanted to be a sub? Not the conflicting thoughts but the final decision.
What made you decide that you want to go for it?

 

[Voodoo]

What does submission mean to you, personally? What does it entail?

I think I have always identified as sub in the bedroom as it has always been about giving for me. But that also feeds my RL Alpha personality as I feel successful when they achieve pleasure and are satisfied. After a recent long term relationship breakdown I began an online connection with a Dom who has encouraged me to explore it further and the freedom he has afforded me by cum control and him being the decision maker there. Seriously enlightening, and relaxing to drop my control and put it in his hands. Very much a learning curve.... but my submission has afforded me an emotional stability I have not enjoyed previously.

 

[LilithX]

I cannot understand the s/d lifestyle outside of the bedroom (every day life and functions) ....its odd to me *shrugs

Some keep it in the bedroom, which is more like role playing. For others it’s a lifestyle. The way I see it is this- what happens in the bedroom is an extension of everyday life. So, the little things that contribute to the dynamic only intensify what happens in the bedroom. Example: Dom chooses the dress, panties, nail color, and how his sub will wear her hair for a special dinner. In turn, she knows she’s pleasing her Dom by allowing him to lead her. It takes immense trust, but can be a very rewarding and erotic dynamic.

 

[LilithX]

Mmm the sub I was referring to..was in lil more of an extreme situation. The partner didn't want them to work. To leave the house unless with them. To socialize really with others.
Everything inside of the house resulted in giving and taking orders. (For the most basic of things.)

To me, that seems like a control freak. More than embracing your partner with respect and same social status.

But what others choose to do, is on them ofc. But personally, its never a lifestyle ^^ I could flourish or be content in.

Ditto. And that sounds like abuse.

 

[Voodoo]

There's a difference between allowing someone to make choices and/or decisions for you and ENJOYING that position and having someone remove your freedom to live as you choose. D/s for me is an agreed co-existence based on mutual trust that each will contribute to the overall needs of the other.

 

[Thalassa]

When was the first time you realised you wanted to be a sub? Not the conflicting thoughts but the final decision.
What made you decide that you want to go for it?

I never had conflicting thoughts. When I first came across it, I read up as much as I could find. It clicked. Everything made sense in how I behaved towards a man when I was in a relationship, the extent I would go to for his approval, for his pleasure not for mine, the way I worshipped him.

I didn't have to "decide to go for it". It is who I am, who I always was. I never knew what world I belonged to, until I discovered it. While having all the terminology to define things and to define myself, I will however also say that labels are just that too... labels. You cannot force yourself into a label, just because. You cannot live life according to others' expectations of you, or even your own perceived expectations of yourself. There are things about us that just are, and that we cannot change about ourselves.

 

[Thalassa]

Relevant and crucial read for submissives, especially on this sex site, where apparently 76% of men consider themselves to be "Doms".
* cue laughter track here *

https://lovingbdsm.kaylalords.com/2015/09/11/what-does-a-good-dominant-look-like-lb003/

 

[Keira]

Relevant and crucial read for submissives, especially on this sex site, where apparently 76% of men consider themselves to be "Doms".
* cue laughter track here *

https://lovingbdsm.kaylalords.com/2015/09/11/what-does-a-good-dominant-look-like-lb003/

Perfect..so much truth in this..

This part..

"They’re stable. That means mentally and emotionally. Everyone gets mad, not everyone has to have a temper tantrum when they do it."

Made me laugh but oh so true..

And "fake Doms" ..epidemic lately