Banter Break Up With The User Above You

  • Thread starter Thread starter CantBeTamed
  • Start date Start date
I didn’t even think we were dating. When did that happen exactly? Well, no matter. Were through with this made up relationship. No real reason except I didn’t know it was a real thing.
 
Just occasionally I have asked you to wear clothes but it's clearly too much to ask. We're done. From now on I will just admire you from afar, with my binoculars and I might sometimes sneak into your house or wherever you are for a peek but we are done. If I get too close, because I need a closer look, just pretend you don't see me, because we're done. Oh, and if you wake up and I'm staring at you just forget it happened and go about your day, we're done remember.
 
You insisted on a threesome and then in throes of passion when I was between you and Fildo, I came. You instantly pull out and go into a massive tantrum, ranting and raving, stamping your feet and screaming because you wanted to cum first!! Wtf bro, get a grip!
 
IM sorry but i cant do this nomore !! I didnt think the long distance relationship thing would bother me but when you decided to actually leave the planet for months at a time without any calls , no text, no facetime , not even a a note on a comet ...........i mean , i dont wanna sound greedy or selfish but i do have needs . So , Im sorry this is way too cosmic for me . I wish you the best , live long and prosper !
 
This really pains me but we never see each other anymore. I mean … literally. I lost your address and my frequent flyer miles are spent. I just can’t do this anymore. I mean … what are you doing next weekend? No, I don’t mean that. We are so done. I’m coming over for make up sex. No!! We’re through. Until tomorrow.
 
Oh Stan … the five minutes we spent together until I found the key to the cuffs you locked me up with, were absolute bliss. Don’t take this personally but that kind of approach just don’t work with me until at least the second time you drug me. SO LONG SUCKER!!
 
I know I wanted you to dress as sexy Santa for our neighborhood party. But did you have to have all the men in the neighborhood sit on your lap for the “What do you want for Christmas?” segment. Each one of those guys won’t stop asking me if you are around every time I see them. And they aren’t asking to be polite. They are all sporting erections!! I’m not dealing with this for the rest of my life. Never should have bought you that Santa lingerie set!!
 
Locket44 said:
Your viagra addiction is out of control!
Click to expand...
Well I wouldn’t have to pop them constantly if everyone you came home you didn’t say “Take your fucking pill, strip down and lay in the floor. Keep the bottle nearby!” I mean … how can I not become addicted? I think I need to seek help and I can’t do that with your pole riding. We’re done.
 
I think it’s time we have the "talk." And no, I’m not talking about the one where you ask if bacon is an acceptable snack at every meal (we both know the answer is yes).

I’ve given this a lot of thought actually, probably too much thought, considering I’ve been spending more time picking bacon grease out of my hair than having a decent conversation with you.

Here’s the thing: I’ve come to realize that our relationship is kind of like your love fort the pig...it’s sizzling hot at first, but then it leaves a bad smell (wait, its actually pretty amazing...) and a weird feeling in the air. Every time I look at you, it feels like I’m competing with a crispy, delicious strip of pork for your attention. And let’s be real, bacon is winning every time (because bacon always wins....).

I do love the way you taste...your crispy outside and the joy it brings to my mouth. But....the aftermath....you always wanting me to use my mouth....well, I'm kinda done with that. Throw yourself on the grill, and lets be done.

Goodbye, my porktastic partner,

Someguy
 
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