Funny Dirty buggers filth and depravity

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Dirtybugger666

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Jokes, anecdotes, pics, gifs, hand it all in.
This is where you lock away all those sick jokes about puppies and cookies. The Dark humour that is frowned upon. Lewd Limericks especially.
 
My mate Jake.
Had a 4 foot snake
He showed it to the lady next door.
She thought it was a snake!
So she hit it with the rake.
Now's it only one foot 4.
 
Perfect pick up lines.

Are you ice cream? Because your face looks like rocky road.

I would ask you if you are tired from running through my mind all day, but from the looks of it, you don’t do any running.

My mom told me it would be good for my self-esteem if I asked out people who aren't conventionally attractive.

Do you like to dance? Well then, could you go dance so I can talk to your friend?

Hey, you dropped something. My standards.

Get on your knees and smile like a doughnut!

You may not be Jesus, but I’d still nail the heck out of you.

My love for you is like cancer, it just keeps growing and growing.

There will only be 7 planets after I destroy Uranus.

How do you like your eggs in the morning: scrambled, fried, or fertilized?
 
  1. My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
  2. I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.
  3. As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
  4. The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for psoriasis.
  5. A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!" The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
  6. When my uncle Frank died, he wanted his remains to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
  7. My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
  8. They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it's poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.
  9. "What's your name, son?" The principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."
  10. When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
  11. I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
  12. What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
  13. Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach."
  14. Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
  15. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
  16. Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
 
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset.
She screamed at me and said, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

Why are friends a lot like snow?

If you pee on them, they disappear.
 
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Back in 1980, I fell off my bike, twisted my foot, and hurt my knee.
I’m telling you this now because there was no social media in the ‘80s
 
What’s the difference between jelly and jam?
You can’t jelly a cock in your ass
 
True story: my penis was in the Guiness book of records.








Then the librarian asked me to leave
 
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