Jokes

[TallulahBlue]

THERAPIST: Kacey I had a lot of concerns in your last session when you were talking about your boyfriend, so I asked you to bring him with you today for couples counseling.

ME: I know.

T: Then why did you bring a Pinocchio doll?

M: Cause he's my boyfriend.

T:

M: He's a dirty little liar and that's what I love about him! The more he lies, the more fun we have!

T:

M: We're engaged.

 

[dvcfdsgrgreghtbtrghnr]

hello

 

[Lakeside]

hello

Funniest joke so far

Ls x

 

[Deleted member 178467]

Funniest joke so far

Ls x

I'm still laughing, had to change my pants twice already.

 

[Deleted member 178467]

 

[Deleted member 178467]

 

[Deleted member 178467]

 

[Deleted member 178467]

 

[TallulahBlue]

ROOMMATE: *sneezes*

ME: God bless you!

R: Thank you *sneezes again*

M: Goodness, bless you again!

R: Thank you *sneezes a third time*

M: And now you're just an attention whore.

 

[Deleted member 178467]

ROOMMATE: *sneezes*

ME: God bless you!

R: Thank you *sneezes again*

M: Goodness, bless you again!

R: Thank you *sneezes a third time*

M: And now you're just an attention whore.

Couldn't agree more , 2 bless you's maximum, any more is just greedy.

 

[TallulahBlue]

BOSS: Kacey, damn it, I'm not paying you to sit here and Tweet!

ME: Well, technically you are...

 

[CrystalMarker]

I'm still laughing, had to change my pants twice already.

I love it! It hurts me to laugh because I hurt my damn back

 

[TallulahBlue]

DATE (being seductive, lowers voice): I'm really into S & M.

ME (trying to be seductive, voice gets higher): So am I! And I like the other 24 letters too!

 

[Lakeside]

Me: no mention of M & M's *leaves*

Ls xx

 

[TallulahBlue]

Me: no mention of M & M's *leaves*

Ls xx

Quite honestly, M & M are my two favorite letters, even if they're the same

 

[TallulahBlue]

ME: Sometimes I panic cause I can't find my phone and then it turns out that it was in my pocket the whole time.

MY KANGAROO FRIEND: Preach, girl.

M: Oh, you forget your phone is in your pocket, too?

K: Shit, I forget my kids are in there half the time.

 

[TallulahBlue]

PHOTOGRAPHER: Now remember, the camera adds 10 pounds.

ME: Yes I know, that's why I stopped eating cameras.

 

[TallulahBlue]

ME (laying down naked): I love the new casting couch! It's comfy!

THERAPIST: Wait, what?! Where are your clothes? It's just a regular couch.

M: Well it's comfy anyway!

T: And your appointments are in-office only. What have I told you about coming to my house? How did you even....

M: Haha. So when's supper?

 

[TallulahBlue]

INTAKE PERSON: Ma'am, what is your street name?

ME: Lil' Bitch Snack Cakes

IP: You live on a street called Lil' Bitch Snack Cakes?

ME: Oh, you meant my address.