Jokes

Italian Tourist

One day I go to Toronto and stay in a bigga hotel.

I go down to eat soma breakfast. I tella the waitress I wanna two pissa toast. She bring me only one piss.

I tella her I wanna two piss; she say, go to toilet - I say, you no understand, I wanna two piss on my plate. She say you betta no piss on plate, you sonna ma b*tch! I don't even know lady, she calla me somma ma b*tch.

Then I go to pharmacia with a cougha. The man he give me candy ana tell me fa cough! - I don't even know man ana he tella me FA COUGH!

Later I got to eat soma lunch at Ricky's Place, the waitress she bring me spoon, a knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock - She tell me everybody wanna fock. I tella her, you no understand, I wanna fock on table. She say you betta not fock on table you sonna ma b*tch - I not even know lady ana she call me sonna ma b*tch.

So, I go back to my hotel room, an there's no sheet on my bed. I calla the manager and tella him I wanna sheet, he tell me go to toilet. So, I say, you no understand, I wanna sheet on bed. He say you betta not sheet on bed you sonna ma b*tch. I don't even know man ana he call me sonna ma b*tch!

I go to check out of hotel and man at desk say peace to you. I say peace on you too!, you sonna ma b*tch! - I GO BACK TO ITALY!!!
 
The Sensitive Man
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together..
They get back to his place, And as he shows her around his apartment.
She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom, With hundreds and hundreds of cute,
Cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them
And she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along the bottom shelf. Medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf.
And huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears,
She is quite impressed by his sensitive side. But doesn't mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and after a while, she finds herself thinking, 'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one!
Maybe he could be the future father of my children?'
She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds.
And he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom.
Where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she Has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, 'Well, how was it?'
The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes,


And says: 'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf.:D
 
Peacecountry said:
The Sensitive Man
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together..
They get back to his place, And as he shows her around his apartment.
She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom, With hundreds and hundreds of cute,
Cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them
And she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along the bottom shelf. Medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf.
And huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears,
She is quite impressed by his sensitive side. But doesn't mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and after a while, she finds herself thinking, 'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one!
Maybe he could be the future father of my children?'
She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds.
And he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom.
Where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she Has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, 'Well, how was it?'
The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes,


And says: 'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf.:D
Click to expand...
Brilliant pmsl twice
 
Lakeside said:
Maths is not my strongest suite but here goes, L to R

She thinks he's cute
He'd be happy with either girl.
She'd have either or both.

How'd I do Prof?

Ls x
Click to expand...
ive heard evey possible answer from many perspectives that when xplained to me make enuff sense
 
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