Jokes

RustyGuy said:
A Texas couple, both well into their 80s, goes to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"

The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse."
He thanks them for coming, wishes them good luck, charges them $50, and says goodbye.
The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row: The couple makes an appointment, has sex with no problems, pays the therapist, and leaves.
Finally, after three months of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask...Just what are you folks trying to find out?"

The man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married, so we can't go to her house. I'm married, so we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. and the Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and best of all...
Medicare pays $43 of it, so our co-pay is only $7."
Click to expand...

LMFAO!
 
This isn't quite a joke, but its funny. North Queensland is in the midst of the annual wet season and having suffered 2 cyclones in as many weeks. Rivers are overflowing and low-lying areas becoming inundated. Well, in this case, a picture is worth 1000 words. This was the scene at the local football ground up in Cairns

Crocs in NQ.jpg

Ls x
 
Lakeside said:
Recently, it's become a regular occurrence. He gets his breath back faster than I regain mobility so its not a bad thing. Means, he gets the chore of putting the kettle on. and I get served a refreshing 'pick-me-up' in bed.

Ls x
Click to expand...
you sound like it's a win win situation for you then lol
 
Two blonds are working along the sidewalk. The first one is digging a hole, and the second one if filling it back in. They continue doing this for hours.

Finally, a man that's been watching them says "I admire all the hard work you two have been doing, but I have to ask, why is it that one of you is digging a hole, and the other one is filling it back in?"

One of the blonds replies "Normally there's three of us, but the one who plants the trees is out sick today."
 
DATE: ...and I also do much work for the homeless. And I try to think of ways to help other people all the time. What do you think of?

ME: Um ... I just think that the guy who invented animal crackers is an asshole because he didn't give each animal its own flavor.

D:

M: They all taste the same.

D:

M: And, um, that ain't fair for the poor kids.
 
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