Jokes

"but wait", "there's more", "and that's not it", "order now and" -- Infomercial trickery at its best

Anyone want an extra Hurry Cane, NuWave Oven, Super Duper Tape, or Snuggle Blanket. I've got at least 4 of each.
 
Always get a second opinion! :D:eek:


The doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.
The bad news is that it will require castration.

You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.
The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.'

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for.
He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years,
but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.

As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person.
He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men's clothing store and thought,
'That's what I need. A new suit.'

He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit.'

The elderly tailor eye d him briefly and said,
'Let's see, Size 44 long.'

Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'

'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.

Joe tried on the suit it fit perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked,
'How about a new shirt?'

Joe thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'

The salesman eyed Joe and said,
'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'

Joe was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'

'Been in the business 60 years.'

Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.

Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked,
'How about some new underwear?'

Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure.'

The salesman said,
'Let's see, Size 36.

Joe laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 32 since I was 18 years old.'

The salesman shook his head,
'You can't wear a size 32.
A size 32 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine
and give you one hell of a headache.'





New suit - $400

New shirt - $36

New underwear - $6

Second Opinion - PRICELESS
 
[on the phone]

ME (as a kidnapper, disguising my voice): I'm holding your kid for ransom. Bring me $100,000 and you'll get him back safely.

PARENTS: We are a poor family and have no money. What else can we bring you?

ME (forgetting to disguise my voice): Well, shit. I didn't think this through. Bring me a rich kid and you can have yours back.
 
Real event that I found funny

@LastOne isnt feeling well so I told him I would sit by his side til to nurse him back to health. Asked him to sleep. But he would keep opening his eyes and turn to me every 10 minutes. Finally I asked him are you ok?

He said .. least you can do is put on a nursing outfit if your just gonna sit there and stare at me.
 
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