I like my coffee the same way I like jokes about how I like my coffee; I dont.
Jokes
- Thread starter Mabal
- Start date
S
Smeghead
Guest
Three nuns sat on a wall a man flashed at them. One had a stroke and the other two couldn't reach
An accountant, a general, and a serial killer walked into a bar. Looks like it hurt.
S
Smeghead
Guest
Man walks into the doctors with a steering wheel in his boxer shorts and says " Doctor you have to sort this out, its driving me nuts"
TallulahBlue
Resident
(me as a teacher, probably)
STUDENT: What is it like being high?
ME: I don't know, but it's probably confusing. See those 6 books on the desk? If you were high, you might see 12 books.
STUDENT: There are only three books on the desk...
ME: Well aren't you both just a couple of fucking know-it-alls!
STUDENT: What is it like being high?
ME: I don't know, but it's probably confusing. See those 6 books on the desk? If you were high, you might see 12 books.
STUDENT: There are only three books on the desk...
ME: Well aren't you both just a couple of fucking know-it-alls!
Pls dont tell me your really teacher because this was perfect for my 8th graders.
TallulahBlue
Resident
Still a student, it's safe lol
I still cant believe they let you teach kids. Marivicc teaching math.
Ass + munch = Assmunch
If you 4 each had 5 on it, we can get us a dub sack.
TallulahBlue
Resident
PHARMACIST: Okay we will get this filled. Do you need childproof with this?
ME: No thanks, I already believe in the existence of children. I just need my pills.
ME: No thanks, I already believe in the existence of children. I just need my pills.
TallulahBlue
Resident
ME: Wow, that was quite an emotional roller coaster.
ROLLER COASTER (calling out to me as I leave the park): No, please. Why are you leaving? Is it something I said? Come ride me again, pleeeease...
ROLLER COASTER (calling out to me as I leave the park): No, please. Why are you leaving? Is it something I said? Come ride me again, pleeeease...
S
Smeghead
Guest
How do you confuse an idiot?
I will tell you tomorrow
I will tell you tomorrow
When God was finished making the basics of humanity it was time for the perks:
God: Okay, who wants to be able to pee standing up?
Adam: Oh I DO! I DO!
And so it was.
God: Well, looks like all that's left is multiple orgasms...
God: Okay, who wants to be able to pee standing up?
Adam: Oh I DO! I DO!
And so it was.
God: Well, looks like all that's left is multiple orgasms...
TallulahBlue
Resident
(trying to impress a date)
ME: This wine is astonishingly exquisite. I can even taste the oak undertones from the barrel where it was allowed to age.
HIM: Um, those are chunks of cork from where you opened it with your keys.
ME: This wine is astonishingly exquisite. I can even taste the oak undertones from the barrel where it was allowed to age.
HIM: Um, those are chunks of cork from where you opened it with your keys.
D
Dirkthedaring
Guest
Soooooo fucked up and funny at the same time!!!!!
TallulahBlue
Resident
*goes up to counter at Dairy Queen to order*
ME (ON PHONE): Ok, so you want an extra large chocolate malt with extra chocolate, too? Ok, sure. I will just go ahead and order two of....
*my phone rings while it's at my ear*
ME (ON PHONE): Ok, so you want an extra large chocolate malt with extra chocolate, too? Ok, sure. I will just go ahead and order two of....
*my phone rings while it's at my ear*
TallulahBlue
Resident
(at the gym)
ME: *tries to lift dumbbell*
*drops it*
TRAINER: Oh come on, it isn't that heavy!
ME: But the KFC grease makes my hands all slippery.
ME: *tries to lift dumbbell*
*drops it*
TRAINER: Oh come on, it isn't that heavy!
ME: But the KFC grease makes my hands all slippery.
Stolen weapon
PLEASE READ THE COMMENTS FOLLOWING THIS MAIN ARTICLE------
The comments posted by readers are as funny as the story...
Stolen weapon found during search at Tennessee jail
Loaded Gun hidden In suspect’s Vagina
APRIL 22--A 19-year-old Tennessee woman had a loaded handgun hidden in her vagina when she was brought into jail yesterday afternoon following a collar for driving with a suspended license, police report.
As Dallas Archer was being booked into the Kingsport jail, a female corrections officer alerted to an “unknown object” in the teenager’s crotch during a search.
The jailer and a female cop then accompanied Archer to a bathroom for further examination, a review that led to the recovery of a “North American Arms 22 LR revolver (loaded) which Ms. Dallas had concealed in her vagina, ”according to a Kingsport Police Department report.
A subsequent check revealed that the five-shot mini-revolver--which is four inches in length--had been “stolen from an auto burglary in 2013.” The handgun, which police valued at $250, is owned by John Souther, a 70-year-old retired car salesman.
In a TSG interview, Souther said that the gun was taken from his 1994 Mustang, which was “ransacked” last year while parked in his Kingsport carport. Souther said that police told him that the revolver had been recovered, but offered no further details. When told where the gun had been stashed, Souther said, “Oh, gosh.” He noted that he would eventually like “the little fellow” returned, but added that the weapon would require “a bath in bleach.”
News of the weapon in Archer’s vagina was first reported by the Kingsport Times-News.
Archer, , was charged with gun possession and introducing contraband into a penal facility.
According to a jail official, Archer was released from custody after posting $6000 bond.
AND NOW THE READER RESPONSES:
1. I thought it was her gun. Turns out it was snatched!
2. Gives new meaning to a gun having a "hair trigger".
3. Happiness is a warm gun?
4. At four inches in length it comes off as halfcocked...
5. "For sale AA22LR never used; still in the box."
6. Report reads, "...Introducing contraband into a penal facility." Shouldn't that be 'penile' facility?
7. If it went off, could you call it her 'boom box'?
8. Remember : Every vagina is to be treated as if it is loaded. Always keep it pointed in a safe direction.
9. They say it was a gun, but something smells fishy.
10.You can have my gun when you can pry it from my cold, stinking...
11. Oh my... accident waiting to happen. Could 'shoot the beaver'.
12.I have heard of shooting your mouth off, but this takes on a "hole" new meaning...
13.Complete reversal on the classic, "Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?"
14.I wonder if she had 'gun-areah'?
15.Gives a whole new meaning to "Vaginal Discharge"...
16.Do you suppose she had a 'rectal reloader'?
17.A gun in hand is worth 2 in the bush?
18.Figures... it uses 'rim shot' ammo.
19. This supports the “Big Bang” theory.
PLEASE READ THE COMMENTS FOLLOWING THIS MAIN ARTICLE------
The comments posted by readers are as funny as the story...
Stolen weapon found during search at Tennessee jail
Loaded Gun hidden In suspect’s Vagina
APRIL 22--A 19-year-old Tennessee woman had a loaded handgun hidden in her vagina when she was brought into jail yesterday afternoon following a collar for driving with a suspended license, police report.
As Dallas Archer was being booked into the Kingsport jail, a female corrections officer alerted to an “unknown object” in the teenager’s crotch during a search.
The jailer and a female cop then accompanied Archer to a bathroom for further examination, a review that led to the recovery of a “North American Arms 22 LR revolver (loaded) which Ms. Dallas had concealed in her vagina, ”according to a Kingsport Police Department report.
A subsequent check revealed that the five-shot mini-revolver--which is four inches in length--had been “stolen from an auto burglary in 2013.” The handgun, which police valued at $250, is owned by John Souther, a 70-year-old retired car salesman.
In a TSG interview, Souther said that the gun was taken from his 1994 Mustang, which was “ransacked” last year while parked in his Kingsport carport. Souther said that police told him that the revolver had been recovered, but offered no further details. When told where the gun had been stashed, Souther said, “Oh, gosh.” He noted that he would eventually like “the little fellow” returned, but added that the weapon would require “a bath in bleach.”
News of the weapon in Archer’s vagina was first reported by the Kingsport Times-News.
Archer, , was charged with gun possession and introducing contraband into a penal facility.
According to a jail official, Archer was released from custody after posting $6000 bond.
AND NOW THE READER RESPONSES:
1. I thought it was her gun. Turns out it was snatched!
2. Gives new meaning to a gun having a "hair trigger".
3. Happiness is a warm gun?
4. At four inches in length it comes off as halfcocked...
5. "For sale AA22LR never used; still in the box."
6. Report reads, "...Introducing contraband into a penal facility." Shouldn't that be 'penile' facility?
7. If it went off, could you call it her 'boom box'?
8. Remember : Every vagina is to be treated as if it is loaded. Always keep it pointed in a safe direction.
9. They say it was a gun, but something smells fishy.
10.You can have my gun when you can pry it from my cold, stinking...
11. Oh my... accident waiting to happen. Could 'shoot the beaver'.
12.I have heard of shooting your mouth off, but this takes on a "hole" new meaning...
13.Complete reversal on the classic, "Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?"
14.I wonder if she had 'gun-areah'?
15.Gives a whole new meaning to "Vaginal Discharge"...
16.Do you suppose she had a 'rectal reloader'?
17.A gun in hand is worth 2 in the bush?
18.Figures... it uses 'rim shot' ammo.
19. This supports the “Big Bang” theory.
TallulahBlue
Resident
(at the staff meeting to name things when it comes time to name foods)
CEO OF NAMING: Okay time to name this chocolaty brown square thingy.
GIRL NAMER: How about we name it "lil baked chocolate cake?"
CEO: No, too long.
GUY NAMER: Maybe "Yummy chocco bake?"
CEO: Nah, I don't like it. Come on you idiots!
GUY WHO NAMED THE ORANGE: Um what about "brownie?"
CEO: Yes! This is why you get the big bucks!
CEO OF NAMING: Okay time to name this chocolaty brown square thingy.
GIRL NAMER: How about we name it "lil baked chocolate cake?"
CEO: No, too long.
GUY NAMER: Maybe "Yummy chocco bake?"
CEO: Nah, I don't like it. Come on you idiots!
GUY WHO NAMED THE ORANGE: Um what about "brownie?"
CEO: Yes! This is why you get the big bucks!
*chuckles* very classy
