Jokes

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Two ground crew workers get off their shift at New York's JFK International, and they want to go out for a few drinks. However, they don't want to get too drunk and deal with a hangover. The first worker says to the other "I know! Let's drink jet fuel. I hear it gets you hammered, but without the hangover the next morning!" So they each drink a hefty amount. The next morning, the second worker hears his phone ring. He answers, and it's the first worker, who asks "Hey bud! How are you feeling?" The second worker replies "I feel great! You were right! No hangover!" The first worker says, "Yeah, same here. But, uh, one question: have you farted yet?" The second worker responds, "No. Why?" The first worker says "Well, try not to. I'm calling you from Phoenix."
 
There's a guy who is an absolute failure in life. He tries working at a grocery store, and manages to mess up everything from bagging to stocking, so he is fired. He then takes a job as a railroad conductor, but is fired in his first week because he manages to screw every possible thing up on the train. He gets desperate for money, so he holds up a store. However, because he is a failure, he accidentally shoots the clerk, and the police catch him. He is given a trial, and sentenced to death by electric chair. The night before he's to be executed, the warden of the prison that he's in comes in and asks what he wants for his last meal. The man says "I don't want any food. I want you to get me a big thick Cuban cigar." So the warden goes into town, and buys the cigar. He brings it back to the man, and he smokes it all night long. They come to get him the next morning, and there's only the cigar butt left, so he eats it. They take him to the chair, and strap him in. The warden throws the switch, and nothing happens. They remove him from the chair, and take him back to his cell. The warden comes in, and says, "Well, since that didn't work, we'll try again tomorrow. I guess you get another last meal. What do you want?" Again, the man declines a meal, and asks for a bigger, thicker Cuban cigar. Again, the warden goes into town, gets a bigger, thicker Cuban cigar, and takes it back to the man. The man smokes it all night, until there's about an inch and a half left of it. They come to get him in the morning, and he eats what's left. They strap him into the chair, throw the switch, and, again, nothing happens. They take him back to his cell, and the warden say "Well, I don't know what to tell you. Guess we'll try AGAIN tomorrow. In the mean time, what do you want as your absolute last meal?" Again, the man refuses a meal, and asks for the biggest, thickest Cuban cigar the warden can find. Warden goes back into town, buys a comically large cigar, and gives it to the man, who smokes it all night once again. There's about half left when they come to get him in the morning, so he eats all of it. They strap him in, throw the switch, and, for a third time, nothing happens. The warden is furious. "Goddammit! We checked everything! Why the hell isn't this working?!?"

The man looks at the warden and says "Well, I never was a very good conductor."

(Yes, I give you all permission to hate me for this.)
 
StarFire said:
HELLO AGAIN,

I WOULDN'T SAY THESE ARE TECHNICALLY "JOKES", BUT THEY SURE ARE FUNNY IF YOU HAVE A "DRY", "NASTY", SENSE OF HUMOR LIKE I DO... ENJOY...LOL :eek:;):p:D:cool: SORRY FOR BEING A PAGE HOG!...LMAO HERE YOU GO ORIGINAL MEMES CREATED BY "STARFIRE"!... HOPE YOU GET A GIGGLE OUT OF THEM!... K I BEST BE GOING, BEFORE MY TROLLS AND HATERS FIND ME, AND HUNT ME DOWN WITH PITCH FORKS, AND AXE HANDLES!...LMAO :eek::p:rolleyes:;):cool:

TTYAL,

~StarFire~:cool:


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HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED THE ORIGINAL "MEME", SHOW, I SHARED WITH YOU ALL...:p:D:rolleyes:;):cool:

TTFN!

~StarFire~:cool:
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