Jokes

A horse and a chicken are best friends. Each day they walk with each other through the fields. One day, while walking the horse fell onto a large mud puddle. The water was well above his head and he started to panic.

Horse - Help me chicken!! You have to pull me out! Please help me!

Chicken - You're such a big horse and in a big mud puddle and I'm just a little chicken. I'm sorry Horse, but I can't pull you out

Horse - Then you gotta go get the farmer. He'll know what to do. Hurry chicken!

So Chicken went as fast as he could to the farmers house. He pecked and pecked on the door, but no one was home. Worried about his friend he looked around for anything that might help his friend. He found the farmers brand new Mercedes had the keys left in it so he took it and was able to pull his friend to safety. He then returned the car and all was well.

The next day, while walking thru another part of the fields, Chicken fell into a small mud puddle. Even tho the mud puddle was small, the water was still up past Chickens neck and he started to panic.

Chicken - Help me Horse!!! You gotta go get the farmers Mercedes and pull me out! Help I'm gonna die!

Horse had a better. He was a big horse, the chicken was small and so was the mud puddle so he straddled over the mud puddle and said,

Horse - Chicken, grab my cock.

So Chicken grabbed a hold and Horse pulled him to safety.

So the moral of the story is:
You don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks if you're hung like a horse.
 
A child asked his father, “How were people born?”

So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.”

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.”

The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!”

His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”
 
Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven.”

Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven.”

Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Six.”

Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven!”

Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”

Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a cat!”
 
[at a job interview]

INTERVIEWER: Can you give me an example of your problem solving skills?

ME: Not really. I still have all my problems.

I: Oh, okay. Um, nothing you can think of where you were able to solve a problem through your actions?

M: Oh wait, yeah. I used to have people drop by my house and I hate people so I taught my parrot how to say, "Get the fuck out of here before she turns you into a bird too!" and people quit coming over.

I:

M:

I: Okay, thank you for coming in, we will uh, be in touch.

M: Okay, so then do you want my phone nu....

I: God no. Thanks again!
 
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